Sunday, July 17, 2011

Must Be Doing Something Right

Believe it or not, but . . . it's getting to the point that I might have to start writing down nice things that other people have to say about me. Which would take quite a lot of paper.

I feel like I had a lot more to talk about tonight, but I'm too exhausted to make any attempt at coherency. Actually, I'm not even entirely sure if "coherency" is a word right now.

Yes, I'm this tired at 7:32 pm.

I have been getting this tired this early for the past few weeks. In fact, I am more or less always tired (and hungry), and have been ever since I left group and went back to work.

This is a good thing. Partly because I'm working so early that I usually have to be at work at least an hour before the sun is even thinking about waking up, so going to bed early and getting some sleep is kind of a decent idea. Mostly, though . . .

This is a good thing because, when Depression was at his -- not his strongest, but his most confusing, I guess; around this time, I knew that I was ready to learn to fight him, but I hadn't even begun to figure out how to do that, and I'm sorry that didn't make very much sense written down -- I could never sleep, ever (and my appetite rather rudely went on a quasi-permanent vacation).

So, hey, proof that I'm getting better!


  1. i have depression too. i am in my twenties and it has got worse. I am also unemployed. do you know what caused yours? i feel like there is no answer to this

  2. Ryan said...

    Oh, honey.

    First off, I want to give you all the hugs and all the cookies and all the love in all the world just for reaching out to me -- before I went to therapy, my response to a blog like this one would have been something along the lines of FUCK YOU AND ALSO SHUT UP.

    I don't know exactly what caused my depression. Honestly, I don't think there's any one reason for it. I think it started when my dad died and I blamed myself for that, but I also think I would've eventually been depressed even if that hadn't happened -- my own personal Depression really started to get strong last year, when I had absolutely everything going for me, including but not limited to being in love with the cutest boy in the entire world, who actually loved me back. And I still wasn't happy. It's such a weird call, since there aren't any telltale signs, and any symptoms could easily be attributed to something else. For example, are you irritable because you're depressed, or are you just a raging bitch who's surrounded by illiterate morons all day every day? Or is the truth somewhere in between?

    What I'm trying to say is that the cause of depression doesn't matter. What does matter is that you fight it. You fight it by dealing with it. You can't deal with it by yourself. It's different for everyone, of course, but I highly recommend dealing with it by going to therapy of some sort. (Personally, I went to fifty hours of group therapy in about five weeks and it worked wonders.)

    Of course, going to therapy might not be nearly as easy as it sounds while you're unemployed. I can't imagine that's helping to alleviate your depression -- but then, you probably don't need me to spell out the many benefits of getting a job, huh?

    I guess the answer is that there are no definite answers. But you have to have faith. You're stronger than you think. I promise.

    If I can deal, so can you.