Friday, July 26, 2013

Quoteage: 33 Reasons I Will Always, Always, Always Love Gilmore Girls

[NOTE: Although I have seen every single episode multiple-multiple times, it's been more than a year since I actually sat down and watched the show. I did not Google any of these quotes before writing them up, so they might not be precisely verbatim.]

1. "Not in front of the books, Lane!"

2. "People are particularly stupid today; I can't talk to any more of them."

3. "If you're lucky, like I was, you'll only have to do it once."

4. "You're way deep in my Bogus Bag, and it's Ziplocked shut."

5. "When a woman gives birth to a crack baby, you do not buy her a puppy."

6. "Why are you throwing cutlery in a public place?"
    "Because I'd feel stupid doing it at home."

7. "Don't cows eat grass?"

8. "He's sleeping with the zucchini."

9. "Maybe if we concentrate, our combined psychic powers will somehow move it closer."
    "I don't think it's working."
    "It's my fault; I'm not focusing."

10. "I thought you were trying to save on electricity, very prudent."

11. "All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner."
      "One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room."

12. "I ate the fuzzy Certs. They tasted like keys."

13. "Lactose and me are bros!"

14. "I'm gonna grab somebody by the neck and squeeze until brains ooze out of their ears."

15. "Oh, Ann hates me."

16. "Norman Mailer, I'm pregnant!"

17. "Don't give me lip!"

18. "Have I ever been mistaken for a patient person?"

19. "That's me, the perfect storm of genetics and caffeine."

20. "At times like these, you get to thinking about what's really important in life. [beat] I'm so glad I had all that sex."

21. "Were we not supposed to do that?"
      "Maybe no one noticed."

22. "Well, Deb, I'd say, Deb, that the real tragedy here, Deb, is that you all seem to use the same awful hairdresser, Deb."

23. "You know what's fun to talk about? Late check-out."

24. "Don't get engaged."

25. "This is bigger than your love of pink!"

26. "'Green is the new pink?'"
      "It's stupid."

27. "I'm trying to kick you, but I can't reach!"

28. "He's a produce man. They'll never find the body, but the squash will be especially chatty that year."

29. "This is what you look like right after you wake up?"
      "Nothing in my life is fair."

30. "I'm gonna go make out in the coat room - don't eat my chicken."

31. "No one touch anyone in any funny places unless specifically asked."

32. "Can we hold hands and skip afterward?"

33. "Will you just shut up a minute?"

Friday, July 5, 2013

Ryan Reads Comics: X-Men (Vol. 3) #2

PREVIOUSLY ON X-MEN: Storm gave everyone a really good view of her boobs (heh) while she was flying; Rogue destroyed a train; Psylocke was actually allowed to wear actual clothes; Kitty used netspeak in spoken conversation --- twice; Jubilee failed to supply anything like a definitive answer to the whole "Are you still a vampire or not?" question; and Rachel . . . was, you know, there.
     Also, there was something about John Sublime (who?) having a twin sister even more ~seriously evil~ than he is, because six of the most badass X-Men in the history of ever need somebody to punch. Obviously.

(Look, I am more excited about this book than words can possibly explain, but, at the same time, I can't help throwing a little good-natured snark in its general direction. Particularly this issue. It's Part 2 of 3 of the first arc; I'm sure everything will eventually make brilliant, perfect sense, but for now . . . well, for now, it really feels like the second part of a three-part story, you know?)


I love this series so much that I'd really like to do full-blown recaps, and maybe I will someday, but today I just have a lot of questions & exclamations. So, whatever, let's go with that.

  • What is up with Beast's hair?
  • What is or was the deal with Karima Shapandar? Would I appreciate her more if I did a little research, or does the actual story tell us everything we really need to know about her? (Either way, her name is freaking awesome.)
  • Is Pixie really as awesome as everybody seems to think? I mean, I understand that other people go into full-on flail when they see her in the background, but I've never read a story about her or heard anything that really made me want to read a story about her, soooo.
  • What is the deal with John Sublime? Specifically, why do Rachel and Betsy bother interrogating him when they are both, you know, telepathic?
  • I'm just gonna say it: Kitty Pryde is freaking adorable, but the ponytail is not a good look for her.
  • "I understand, there's no way of knowing how much of Karima still exists in there." Again, um, why does telepathy not work that way?
  • Why does Rogue, who has superstrength, feel the need to joke with Kitty about how much Hank weighs? Why does Kitty, who knows that Rogue has superstrength, feel the need to help her carry Hank out of his lab?
  • When is Storm going to use her powers to do anything other than fly?
  • Obviously, I want to know what's going on with Jubilee's son (Shogo), but that's clearly pretty crucial to the plot.
  • Aaaaaaand the issue ends three seconds before a bomb goes off! Nice. 
Here's a snippet from the end of the letters page: "But seriously, I think we want to let this team gel a bit before we start messing with it too much --- though there are so many awesome women to choose from, right? That said, the one thing I can say is that while dudes will certainly show up in this book, the guys have their own teams to mess with, right? I mean, how many teams can Wolverine really be on? (answer: a lot, but still not this one)" AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING.

NEXT TIME ON X-MEN:  Psylocke (who is still actually wearing actual clothes, while wielding a wicked-looking spear, while manifesting the focused totality of whatever) fights six or seven people at once. I approve. How many milliseconds until the next issue?