tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44658601995639898052024-03-13T21:28:02.238-07:00Depression SucksThese days, it's easier to find me on LiveJournal or Twitter or Pinterest; whichever site suits your fancy, my username is the same: wickedbish. See you there!Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.comBlogger141125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-29980763774497223902013-11-30T16:17:00.000-08:002013-11-30T16:18:26.911-08:00"Why" Depression Sucks<img alt="" height="300" src="http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/wickedbish/66477264/53528/53528_900.jpg" title="" width="400" /><br />
Hey guys, wait three years <strike>for me to get over the resentment</strike> and then ask me why I have zero self-esteem despite all sorts of empirical evidence that I'm fucking awesome.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-85373430510860772882013-11-30T14:24:00.000-08:002013-11-30T14:24:13.704-08:00If Only, If Only<span style="font-size: 1.8em;">If I could get paid to <strike>get high and</strike>
maintain this blog, these are some of the things I would write ALL THE
TIME, rather than planning to possibly write them SOMEDAY:</span><br /><br />Girls Who Kick Ass: Why They Matter - Cassie & Rachel<br /><br />Girls Who Kick Ass: Why They Matter - Harriet M. Welsch<br /><br />Girls Who Kick Ass: Why They Matter - Elphaba Thropp<br /><br />Girls Who Kick Ass: Why They Matter - Sunshine<br /><br />Snarky Episode Guides: Ryan Reacts to <i>The
Vampire Diaries, Gilmore Girls, Charmed, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Avatar: The Last Airbender, The
Legend of Korra,</i> <i>Veronica Mars, </i>etc.<br /><br />High-Tweeting the other 142 episode of <i>Buffy</i><br /><br />Seven Ways to Destroy a Smartphone Without Waking Your Neighbors<br /><br />Seriously Serious Toy Reviews<br /><br />Baked Baking: Some Useful Tips THAT MIGHT JUST SAVE YOUR LIFE<br /><br />The Very Young Witch & the Very Old Vampire<br /><br />13 Witches I Fucking Hate<br /> <span style="font-size: 0.7em;">(Prue Halliwell, Phoebe Halliwell, and eleven others . . . ?)</span><br /><br />Snarky "Episode" Guides: Ryan Reacts to Every <i>Animorphs</i> Book Ever<br /><br />Serious Thoughts on a Serious Topic: Ryan Reads Comic Books<br /> <span style="font-size: 0.7em;">(<i>Runaways, Fables, Spider-Girl, Y: The Last Man,</i> maybe even <i>The Sandman</i>)</span><br /><br />Boring People: How to Spot Them & How to Stop Them<br /><br />Apples: The Greatest Food on Earth, Period<br /><br />Why I Wish Todrick Hall Was the Actual Love of My Life<br /><br />(I
can't think of a snappy headline for this one, but it would be such
PURE, UNADULTERATED fun to review my favorite Disney movies.)<br /><br />Six Ways a Protagonist of Color Would Change the Face of Superhero Movies Forever . . . Or Not<br /><br />How (and Why) to Honestly Stop Giving a Fuck<br /><br />How (and Why) to Stop Letting Stupid People Be Famous<br /><br />Why ~YOU~ Are an Artist and It's Awesome<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 1.8em;">AND SO FORTH<br />AND SO ON</span>Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-8683777216717341532013-11-15T22:20:00.003-08:002013-11-15T22:20:56.424-08:00"My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it."I do not want to write this entry.<br /><br />(While we're on the subject: I do not want to watch <i>Korra</i>,
even though all four remaining episodes of season two - which, on the
whole, has been very relevant to my interests, re: depression vs. magic -
will be available online tonight; I do not want to eat anything for the
rest of the night even though I haven't eaten very much all day; I do
not want to eat anything for the rest of the week even though I haven't
eaten very much all week; I do not want to get high and feel better
about everything; I do not want to get high and feel nothing because I'm
too busy being distracted by everything; I do not want to get high and
feel nothing because I'm too busy being distracted by my own thoughts
about words and letters and sounds and why any of them mean anything; I
do not want to take pictures of any of my Ponies; I do not want to take
pictures of anything else; I do not want to think a thing; and, just for
twenty-six minutes, one for every year of my life, I do not want to be
me.)<br /><br />For the last two weeks <strike>or more</strike> <strike>or less</strike> <strike>keeping track of time has never been my strong suit, but it's gotten literally impossible of late</strike>, Tony <strike>my BFF</strike> <strike>my best friend forever</strike> <strike>my true best friend</strike> has avoided or missed or ignored or forgotten all & any attempts at contact of any kind.<br /><br />Just in case that wasn't clear enough:<br /><br />I have called him AND IT HAS BEEN FOR NAUGHT.<br /><br />I have texted him AND IT HAS BEEN FOR NAUGHT.<br /><br />I have called him and left multiple voicemails asking him to text me AND IT HAS BEEN FOR NAUGHT.<br /><br />I have texted him and begged him to call me because I'm worried about him AND IT HAS BEEN FOR NAUGHT.<br /><br />I have sent him messages on <span style="font-size: 0.7em;">(ugh)</span> Facebook AND IT HAS BEEN FOR NAUGHT.<br /><br />I have tweeted him AND IT HAS BEEN FOR NAUGHT.<br /><br />I have asked <i>more than a few</i>
people who used to work with both of us if they've seen or heard from
him lately. None of them have. Some of them volunteered to try to track
him down for me, and they did, and apparently he's "doing alright,"
which they know because he has told them in text messages, so we can
conclude that his phone still works and he hasn't forgotten how to use
it, which might lead a person who wasn't cursed with Depression with a
capital D to hope that he might send me a text that <span style="font-size: 0.7em;">at the very least</span> said "yo calm da FUCK down ha" -<br /><br />But he hasn't.<br /><br />Even though I have made it <b>crystal.freaking.clear</b>
that I am legitimately worried & confused & upset by this
whatever the hell is going on (because, let's face it, people do not
"lose touch" in 2013 unless one of them chooses to do so).<br /><br />So now I am legitimately worried & confused & upset, <u>AND</u> I am freaking the fuck out<br /><br />because
more than a dozen other people have also been making me feel ignored,
and there's no way they can all be doing it on purpose so they can
accuse me of worrying too much after it's over (. . . right?)<br /><br />and if one more so-called<span style="font-size: 0.7em;"> friend</span>
takes the time to leave a comment or send a text to explain that they
are "too busy" to call me to make sure I'm not contemplating anything
stupid, even though it takes twenty seconds to leave a comment or send a
text, so it might theoretically be possible to call me because they
know I would fucking drop everything to call them if they were freaking
the fuck out, I'm going to fucking punch somebody in the stomach until I
get the sense that I've caused internal bleeding.<br /><br />The sick thing
is, two people HAVE dropped everything to give me a call, and I really
really appreciate them both for that, but all I can think about is<br /><br />WHY
ISN'T TONY SPEAKING TO ME and WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SENSES A
DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE BECAUSE TONY ISN'T SPEAKING TO ME AND THAT IS
NOT FUCKING NATURAL<br /><br /><strike>I want a nap.</strike><br /><br />Look, I've learned about depression enough to hear it when it starts whispering to me, but the thing is:<br /><br />When
my depression gets this bad, almost but not always, the only person I
actually feel like talking to until it gets a little less bad<br /><span style="font-size: 0.7em;">
is Tony.</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I realize this sounds kind of like a suicide note.<br />It isn't.<br /><br />I was tempted to disable comments on this entry.<br />I didn't. Please don't make me regret that.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-72245030037171073182013-11-13T20:21:00.001-08:002013-11-13T20:40:52.847-08:00SERIOUS HOLY COWShttp://www.refinery29.com/2013/11/56812/asmr<br />
<br />
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">YOU
GUYS. You know how I'm always saying "Friendship is Magic makes me cry
like a bitch" or "girls who kick ass give me storygasms" or "magic,
which is important because it's a metaphor, really does it for me"? I
never really thought about this! I just figured everyone got storygasms
and mine were just more intense than most people's because, well, most
people aren't me.<br /><br />Also, I never noticed that I should have been
noticing this until I actually read the whole article, but certain
non-story stimuli do it, too, and I have NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE.<br /><br />Also-also,
I recently reasoned that maybe my capacity to get really happy about
really mundane things was some sort of sick trade-off for being cursed
with depression (because, you know, happy & unhappy are all up to
the chemicals in your brain). Is that completely crazy?<br /><br />My mind! It is blown!</span></span></h5>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Post-fucking-script!</b><br />
<br />
The
big sister I never wanted but apparently really needed posted this link
to (ugh) Facebook a few days ago, and I didn't read it at the time even
though I was intrigued. Tonight, I reminded myself to remember that I
should finally get around to reading it after giving myself the
following spontaneous therapy session pep talk epiphany orgy on Twitter:<br />
<br />
My eyes feel spicy.<br />
If that made sense to you, you might be high enough for Reading Rainbow.<br />
<br />
It was more than 140 characters, but Adam & I had a really intense conversation about the Mane Six about twenty minutes ago.<br />
<br />
Speaking of! How can anypony refuse to give <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-cke-saved-href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23EquestriaGirls&src=hash" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23EquestriaGirls&src=hash"><s>#</s><b>EquestriaGirls</b></a> a chance after listening to its theme song remix?<br />
<a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-cke-saved-href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23ElementOfHonesty&src=hash" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23ElementOfHonesty&src=hash"><s>#</s><b>ElementOfHonesty</b></a><br />
<br />
Honesty + Kindness + Laughter + Generosity + Loyalty = MAGIC<br />
MAGIC = Ryan always beats Depression, even when he forgets how to fight it.<br />
<br />
"I'm only intimidating because you're intimidated."<br />
Being right all the time is less fun than you might imagine.<br />
<br />
<u>I've
had this recurring dream where I'm screaming but no one can hear me
since my mom got remarried when I was nine. Cause & effect.</u><br />
<br />
<i>Oh my fucking God. That (my last tweet) is precisely why I'm so comfortable with the whole "dying alone is my destiny" thing.</i>*<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
____________________<br />
*Y'all,
for real. I understand that it's not even sort of a healthy mindset
right now, but putting it together (ON MY OWN, JUST BECAUSE I WAS HIGH
AND KIND OF BORED) and figuring out why it makes so much sense to me
felt so good. Actually, it still feels good as I talk about how it felt
good at the time.<br />
<br />
Which is extra super crazy, because the whole cause & effect thing was/is already feeling pretty fucking great.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-30446956984347344782013-11-07T19:43:00.003-08:002013-11-07T19:43:48.021-08:00Girls Who Kick Ass: Why They Matter #1 - Buffy Summers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G-wx7cs9h-Q/Unxdz0BtwMI/AAAAAAAAAzw/vLIKksFDkWw/s1600/1buffy013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G-wx7cs9h-Q/Unxdz0BtwMI/AAAAAAAAAzw/vLIKksFDkWw/s400/1buffy013.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
For reasons that should be obviously obvious, I chose to kick off this series by talking about the main character of the greatest TV show of all time.<br />
<br />
Why does Buffy (the character) matter in-universe? Why does Buffy (the character) matter in real life? Why did Buffy (the show) matter? Why is Buffy (the show & the character) still relevant, more than ten years after the Grand Finale? Why is the Slayer always a girl?<br />
<br />
Well, those are some great questions! I'm not sure if I'm completely up to the task of providing exhaustive answers to all of them - I'm going to art school for a reason, and that reason is: I despise reading Academic Papers, and I really despise trying to write them - but I've been giving them a lot of thought since yesterday (also: since I started watching the show when I was fourteen), and <strike>to the complete surprise of absolutely no one</strike> I've found that I do actually have quite a bit to say about "why" Buffy matters.<br />
<br />
<b>1. Buffy reminds us that good things take time.</b><br />
You probably already knew that <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i> was a wonderfully cheesy movie in 1992, and you might have heard that it's quite far removed from Joss Whedon's original vision. (Did you know that, when Marti Noxon was hired between seasons one & two, Joss ordered her never to watch it, and she never did?)<br />
<br />
Anyway. In 1992, Joss was able to bring everybody a creative, though forgettable, slightly special B-movie . . . called <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i>. Five years later, the same guy was able to bring people the greatest TV show of all time . . . called <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i>.<br />
<br />
All I'm saying is, no one could have possibly predicted the difference that five years would make.<br />
<br />
Really casts your NaNoWriMo Writer's Block This is Not a Drill Just Leave Me Here to Die in a slightly different light, doesn't it?<br />
<br />
<b>2. Buffy paved the way.</b><br />
For some reason, no one expected a TV show based on a disappointingly disappointing movie to do, you know, well. When the show got picked up, it was a mid-season replacement. After filming the entire first season before the pilot aired, no one who worked on the show anticipated that they would ever come back for a second season. They did, of course; by the time season two was half over, the show was basically the entire reason anybody ever even pretended to pay attention to The WB (which, eventually, gave us <i>Gilmore Girls</i>).<br />
<br />
<i>Buffy</i> may not have been the very first TV show that revolved around a Girl Who Kicks Ass, but it was clearly something special. Without it, would we ever have gotten to know Veronica Mars? Sookie Stackhouse? Joan of Arcadia? George Lass? Lorelai & Rory Gilmore? The Charmed Ones?* Would we ever have gotten so comfortable with serious dramas that are also genuinely funny? Would we ever have learned to demand stories that really mess with our emotions?<br />
<br />
Maybe. But, goodness, Buffy sure did make it easier.<br />
<br />
______<br />
*<i>Charmed</i> is actually one of my most hated TV shows of all time. But that's another story.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Buffy fights her own battles.</b><br />
Does she ever whine about how much it sucks to be the Chosen One a little more often than her friends would like? Sure thing. Does she occasionally insist that, even though she's the only one who destiny picked, she can't or won't keep fighting the fight without her friends? Absolutely.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
Does she ever whine so much that she actually permanently quits being a hero? Not once.<br />
<br />
And.<br />
<br />
Does she ever NOT drop everything to do whatever she has to do to save her friends (and, more often than not, the entire world)? <i>Never.</i><br />
<br />
In short: Buffy gets stuff done.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Buffy never gives up.</b><br />
This attitude is perhaps best summed up in the second season finale, when Angelus taunts her, "So that's everything, huh? No weapons . . . no friends . . . no hope. Take all that away, and what's left?"<br />
<br />
And then three things happen in swift succession:<br />
<ul><li>He tries to stab her with a sword.</li>
<li>She stops it with her bare hands and says, "Me."</li>
<li>She kicks his ass.</li>
</ul>'Nuff said, girl. 'Nuff said.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Buffy taught me everything I know about family.</b><br />
There are approximately 157,000 moments that illustrate this point, but Joss said it best:<br />
<br />
"Family are the people who treat you like family. Period."<br />
<br />
(If you're curious, he was talking about the sixth episode of season five, which is called . . . "Family.")<br />
<br />
<b>6. Buffy taught me to start thinking about magic and why it's important <u>because</u> it's a metaphor.</b><br />
Do I even need to explain this one?<br />
<br />
<b>7. Buffy makes her own rules.</b><br />
When the Watchers Council stand in the way of her doing the right thing, she tells them to leave her alone and wait for the next Slayer to show up (which wasn't a difficult decision, but it was surely much easier since they had recently fired her father figure for trying to save her life). When the Watchers Council comes back a year and a half later for a "performance review" to decide if she deserves to know what they know about the Big Bad, she reminds them that, actually, they've come back to beg her to let them work for her.<br />
<br />
And so on & so forth. There are more than a few examples (I'm saying that a lot, huh?), the best of which is probably this one, from the very last episode:<br />
<br />
"So here's the part where you make a choice: What if you could have that power . . . now? In every generation, one Slayer is born . . . because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman<span style="font-size:0.7em;"> [Willow, Buffy's BFF & the most powerful witch in the world]</span> is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power . . . should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer <i>will</i> be a slayer. Every girl who could have the power <i>will</i> have the power . . . can stand up, <i>will</i> stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?"<br />
<br />
NOTE: This series was started after I read this article: http://mattforney.com/2013/09/16/the-case-against-female-self-esteem/. Yes, I will be linking to it in every subsequent entry. We can only hope that my writing will get better as I do more of it, because this is fucking important to me.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-24475427668207257712013-11-07T01:34:00.000-08:002013-11-07T01:34:01.852-08:00"The Dark Should Be Afraid of Me"<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6GPNq10bO78/Unteext08GI/AAAAAAAAAzg/OxTzSkwohI8/s1600/DSCN0393+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6GPNq10bO78/Unteext08GI/AAAAAAAAAzg/OxTzSkwohI8/s320/DSCN0393+-+Copy.JPG" /></a><br />
<br />
You know, <strike>if</strike> when I finally finally fucking finally start classes (and, more importantly, get my own place), I think I wanna do ongoing almost-daily Pony Pic Fics. It'll be like extra, unnecessary, voluntary homework.<br />
<br />
Because going to school & becoming <i>the</i> best "HELLO MY NAME IS RYAN I'M-A-PHOTOGRAPHER" anyone ever even dreamed of hearing of is absolutely this important to me.<br />
<br />
And playing with Ponies is even more fun now than it was as a kid.<br />
<br />
And dealing with depression is such a fucking drag <strike>and I am so sick of fighting it</strike> <strike>and I am tired of people saying they're worried about me</strike> <strike>and I am tired of other people not noticing that they should be worrying about me</strike> <strike>and I know I'm strong but haven't I been strong enough already for more than one lifetime?</strike> so, yeah, it's a fucking plan.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-63056649477938933152013-11-04T20:19:00.001-08:002013-11-04T20:20:03.768-08:00Sit-Down Comedy: Opinionated Facts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/GS5fm1KXpnM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-66380057363135948352013-10-02T19:57:00.002-07:002013-10-02T19:57:28.859-07:00oh.my.fucking.GODDDDDD<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JpfJiX51HSc/UkzdCK_PBlI/AAAAAAAAAyU/7U4bzEvWadk/s1600/12310_900.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JpfJiX51HSc/UkzdCK_PBlI/AAAAAAAAAyU/7U4bzEvWadk/s320/12310_900.jpg" width="271" /></a></div>
<br />Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-59967183877611188202013-09-24T02:05:00.000-07:002013-09-24T02:05:46.765-07:00Rain, Rain, Feel Free to StayFor the past year or so, ever since I publicly announced my intent to move to Seattle, I have had to deal with ~oh~ ~so~ ~many~ people offering some variation or other of this <strike>originally original</strike> <strike>helpfully helpful</strike> <strike>insightfully insightful</strike> advice:<br />
<br />
<i>"Wait, you're clinically depressed? And you ~want~ to move to Seattle, where it never stops raining, ever? Just how crazy are you, stupid?"</i><br />
<br />
But here's the thing:<br />
<br />
1. It doesn't <i>actually</i> rain too terribly much. That's merely a legend that the locals perpetuate to frighten away the boring needy helpless whiny tourists.<br />
(Duh.)<br />
<br />
2. Thunder & lightning remind me a) that I'm an artist and b) <i>why</i> I'm an artist.<br />
<br />
3. Two words: Chemical imbalance. That wouldn't stop being a thing even if I moved to Jamaica.<br />
<br />
4. Sometimes you just have to get wet & be thankful that you'll get dry again later.<br />
Yeah, that sounds awful cheesy, but you know what? <b>I love cheese <i>almost</i> as much as I love Ponies.</b><br />
<br />
5. Seriously, though, rain makes me appreciate sunshine even more.<br />
<br />
6. While I thoroughly enjoy all four seasons, fall has always been my favorite (possibly because it contains my birthday). Buying several different scarves every October because I actually need to be wearing one every time I leave the house is its own special sort of happy.<br />
<br />
7. In conclusion, bless your heart.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-64761285495413042792013-09-21T18:07:00.000-07:002013-09-21T18:07:19.732-07:00Why I Don't Care That You Think I'm Weird For Liking My Little Pony: Friendships is MagicBecause <i>My Little Pony: Friendships is Magic</i> makes me really fucking happy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
And the way depression does what it does is that, basically, sometimes (even if I'm surrounded by Ponies) it's <i>really fucking hard</i> for me to be happy. So <b>things</b> that make me happy are fucking awesome, and that's a pretty big deal in Ryanville. Sure, I would love to be happy because I like things that make you happy, but then, when you think about it, wouldn't I be trying to make <i>you</i> happy?<br />
<br />
Which is a concept that just doesn't even begin to try to make sense, because<br />
<br />
you aren't me, so<br />
<br />
you don't have to live in my head every year of every month of every week of every day of every hour of every minute of every second of every sunrise of your <strike>miserable</strike> life,<br />
<br />
like I do,<br />
<br />
so I'll just keep liking things that make me happy, and you can do whatever the fuck you want.<br />
<br />
If "whatever the fuck you want" you want to do is something other than "be a total jerk because Ryan likes something I don't like," then, and <i>only</i> then, can we be friends.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-26881664307320370352013-09-19T01:53:00.002-07:002013-09-19T02:04:30.132-07:00Cancer SucksOnce upon a time, <strike>nearly a full year before anyone anywhere officially suspected that I might be depressed, </strike>I was lucky enough to get obscenely drunk and vomit all over an adorable Japanese girl's couch (or possibly her entire living room; you'd have to ask someone who didn't wake up the next morning and wonder why one lens had popped the fuck out of his glasses).<br />
<br />
Shortly thereafter, the adorable Japanese girl quickly turned into "my Asian Friend," whose roommate dabbled in stand-up comedy and encouraged me to give it a try at her next open mic. (Considering that I had done my throwing up at their Halloween party, which had also been one of her first dates with a guy she really liked, which was obviously rather ruined by all of the vomit that just kept happening, she would've had every right to want nothing to do with me - but, as I found out later, the guy had "the fugliest penis" she'd ever seen. Also, we bonded over our love of <i>Buffy</i>.)<br />
<br />
I didn't make it to the next one, but I did make it to the one after that, which I still remember rather well: It was the day after Christmas. The only guy I've ever genuinely loved* (who had given me his number some months before all the vomit and failed to mention that, despite the 317 area code, he didn't actually live anywhere near Indiana) was just barely <i>completely</i> unable to attend, as his visit began a few days afterward (and ended a few days before the next one, so he also missed it when I told everyone how much I liked it when he teased me for thinking I'm fat). There was only one homosexual in the entire bar, and it was me. My Asian Friend had made me watch the episode of <i>It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia</i> that explores Sweet Dee's attempts to make it through a stand-up routine without (you guessed it) vomiting a few days before; in spite of this excellent example of why she is a perfectly terrible friend, I basically killed it. Everyone loved me.<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*Past tense.</span> <br />
<br />
No one loved me more than Mary, whose husband was one of the two bastards who made this particular open mic happen where it did. With the possible exception of my Asian Friend, who was naturally the star of my most hilarious bits, she believed in my jokes more than anyone else on the planet.<br />
<br />
Comedy has always meant a lot to me. I thoroughly enjoyed the chance to try it out once a month for almost two full years. It taught me a lot and gave me some purpose when I really needed some sort of something, and I'll always be grateful for that. The last time I gave it a shot was right after I took a little vacation from life to put myself through therapy because, hello, suicide attempt. Lots & lots of people were proud of me for going to therapy, but Mary stands out. She didn't just <i>believe</i> that I could do anything once I went through the process and started to get better, she TOOK IT FOR GRANTED.<br />
<br />
I thanked her for that, of course, but I should have written her a poem or something.<br />
<br />
On September 19th, 2011, the world became a slightly worse place: cancer snuffed the life right out of Mary. <strike>Sorry, guys. I'd be typing faster but I'm kind of tearing up right now.</strike> My friend Emily (who you may remember as the roommate from earlier) offered to take me to the hospital to see her shortly before that, but I just couldn't do it. Hospitals have more or less given me panic attacks ever since my dad died when I was seven* - and, I don't know, Mary was always so Alive that I couldn't handle seeing her so close to death. (Transitioning out of therapy & back into your regular life - which, thanks to therapy, is yours more than ever now - is obviously quite a delicate time; it's important to be honest with yourself about what you can handle and what you can't.)<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*Seatbelts, y'all. They literally save lives. But they don't work if you're too dumb to wear them.</span><br />
<br />
I've been crashing on friends' couches since July; the few possessions that I didn't get rid of when I got the fuck out of Indiana are either stuffed in a suitcase or quietly encroaching on my gay best friend's living room (he and his roommate understand the Element of Generosity better than they realize).<br />
<br />
And yet, I could find the program from Mary's funeral in under a minute.<br />
<br />
Depending on your perspective, two years is either a really long time or no time at all. Sometimes it's both at the same time, even though that makes no sense. Personally, I've gone through so many changes in the last two years that, other than the name, "now me" and "then me" have almost nothing in common.<br />
<br />
For example: Two years ago, I had (just recently) met my BFF, and he had (probably) already given me the perfectly appropriate nickname of Pepper (which, unless you are him, you are <b>not</b> allowed to call me). I had finally given <i>The Vampire Diaries</i> half a chance because the main character's best friend was a witch; Julie Plec wasn't in charge then, so the show hadn't even begun to live up to all or any of its subtly racist potential. I had started watching <i>My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic</i>, but it would be a while before I realized how & why the Elements of Harmony (Honesty + Kindness + Laughter + Loyalty + Generosity = MAGIC) could alter my life for the better. I was still feeling warm fuzzies for the second-worst person I have ever met. It had only just begun to occur to me that photography was something I needed to be doing every day for the rest of my life.<br />
<br />
And so forth and so on. My point is, few people could possibly hear about any of these changes and be happier for me than Mary would've been. I'm going to start dabbling in stand-up again sometime soon (until then, my Twitter serves as an excellent example of the hilarity that is my head), and that would be exponentially more enjoyable if I could share it with her.<br />
<br />
Dammit.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-62361657769269646002013-09-15T16:35:00.001-07:002013-09-15T16:35:26.748-07:0026 THINGS Y'ALL CAN DO FOR MY 26th BIRTHDAY (FRIDAY, OCTOBER 4th)1. First of all, just to avoid all & any potentially unpleasant misunderstandings and the hurt feelings they could cause, let's discuss one thing:<br /><br /> <i>Do not, under ANY circumstances, buy alcohol of any kind and expect me to drink it. For reasons which are still shrouded in some small amount of mystery, I have chosen to live booze-free in 2013. Despite a recurring nightmare about slipping up, I have, in real life, stuck to this goal literally <b>one hundred and fifty-seven thousand fuckin' percent</b> of the time. Since my birthday is a great time to notice that we can just begin to start to see the end of the year and the start of the beginning of next year, I CAN THINK OF NO <b>GOT-DAMN</b> REASON TO GET MY DRANK ON NOW,<br /> you know?</i><br /><br />2. If you live in the magical land of <strike>Equestria</strike> Washington, you could buy me any blessed amount of something other than alcohol, IF YOU WANT ME TO LOVE YOU FOREVER EVEN IF I DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU THAT MUCH SOMETIMES.<br /><br />3. Robin McKinley would be one of my favorite authors of all time even if she hadn't written a <strike>brilliantly wise</strike> wise, weird, wonderful, altogether excellent book about a baker who gets kidnapped by vampires, which gives us one of the most difficult secrets of life, "You are not consumed by the darkness because you are full of light." <br /> But she did.<br /> So you can imagine my excitement when I learned that her new book, <i>Shadows</i>, will be available one week & one day before my birthday. (Which is really interesting, since <i>Sunshine</i> - the brilliantly wise book from earlier; note their similarly opposite titles - was released right around my sixteenth birthday. One can only hope she's still writing as my thirty-sixth approaches.)<br /> You could pre-order the hardback, IF YOU WANTED MY JAW TO HIT THE FLOOR AND NEVER RETRACT ITSELF EVER.<br /><br />4. Speaking of <i>Sunshine</i>, I used to own a gorgeous first-edition hardcover that, other than a few memorable mishaps involving my klutzy fingers attempting to drink hot tea & read at the same time, was in perfectly pristine condition.<br /> And then I mailed it to my very first <strike>ambiguously evil</strike> ex-boyfriend (who, at the time, hadn't yet dropped the "ex" - in retrospect, this was the 157,000th red flag that I spectacularly failed to notice) and it vanished into the ether, never to be read again.<br /> Yes, this is precisely, specifically, why Franklin & Dewey invented the library system, but I do intend to replace my lost copy someday. OR, WITH YOUR HELP, "SOMEDAY" COULD BE "MY 26th BIRTHDAY."<br /><br />5. One more Robin McKinley hardback I "need" to own someday is a delightful re-telling of the tale of Sleeping Beauty called <i>Spindle's End</i>.<br /> Along with <i>Sunshine</i>, this story proves, perhaps <b>incontrovertibly</b>, that she writes about magic better than any other author who is not Terry Pratchett, Diana Wynne Jones, or Neil Gaiman himself.<br /><br />6. Yet another book that I think of as "one of mine" even though I do not actually legally own a copy at the moment is <i>Born Confused</i> by Tanuja Desai Hidier. (Unlike the Robin McKinleys above, I'm not picky about hardback vs. paperback, or even American edition vs. British edition.)<br /> I happen to know, for an actual fact, that it can occasionally be found at the Half-Price Books on 86th Street in Indianapolis, Indiana.<br /> If you live in Indianapolis, AND WANT ME TO CRY HAPPY LITTLE TEARS OF FAIRY JOY, you could buy a copy <strike>for cheap</strike> and mail it to me.<br /><br />7. Speaking of <strike>cheap</strike> ridiculously cheap books, I've recently decided that one of my more meaningful "before I'm thirty" goals <strike>for science</strike> is to own at least two copies of every Animorphs book ever (there were fifty-four books in the main series, plus two sets of four-book-long side series).<br /> So, again, I direct you to Half-Price Books and other stores of its ilk. If you see ANY and think it might be a good idea to buy them for me, the answer is yes! Duplicates are accepted & encouraged; my goal to own AT LEAST two copies of all sixty-four books is a MINIMUM estimate.<br /><br />8. Finally, it is obviously another goal to own enough copies of Harriet the Spy that everyone I've ever met could borrow one and never give it back. <br /> (Which would be okay, since I have a perfectly perfect, potentially first-edition, hardback that no one else is allowed to touch.)<br /> Or, if you want to speed things up a bit, you could buy YOURSELF a copy, then read it (or re-read it) and tell me what it meant to you, what it taught you about life, etc.<br /> Wait, what? Spend money on a present that's going to someone other than me, FOR MY BIRTHDAY? Why, yes. Expect to see more of that as you continue to read this list.<br /><br />9 through 20. Obviously, I always need more Ponies (and more and more and more and then a few more after that; PONIES FOREVER, BASICALLY), so there are a fair few options!<br /><br /> 09. Black Tie Fashion Style Pinkie Pie<br /> 10. Black Tie Equestria Girls Pinkie Pie<br /> 11. any other version of Pinkie Pie that you can find wherever you find Ponies; there is no such thing, in Ryanville, as "too much Pinkie Pie"<br /> 12. Fashion Style Rarity<br /> 13. the Equestria Girls two-pack with Twilight Sparkle & Sunset Shimmer<br /> 14. any Spike toy who is standing on two legs like he does in the show (this would include Build-a-Bear Spike)<br /> 15. Fourth Dimension Pinkie Pie plush<br /> 16. Funko Vinyl Pinkie Pie<br /> 17. Funko Vinyl Pinkie Pie variant <span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>(WITH SPARKLES)</b></span><br /> 18. any Nightmare Moon toy that you can find wherever you find Ponies<br /> 19. any other Funko Vinyl who is not Fluttershy<br /> 20. basically, any Pony out there who is not one of those terrifying-nightmare-monster-looking bloody awful babies<br /><br />21. If there is someone in your life (other than me, obviously) who might appreciate a Pony, IT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY if y'all would buy one and give it to her (or him or them or whatever) and capture the reaction and share it with me.<br /> BONUS POINTS if it's Pinkie Pie (everyone everywhere could use some Element of Laughter) or Rarity (the Element of Generosity generously regenerates itself, over and over and over, without ever stopping).<br /><br />22. If you, personally, have not yet seen <i>Pitch Perfect</i> or <i>The Heat</i>, you could buy yourself a copy of either or both and watch so we can talk about them, and so you will realize how hilarious it really is every time I say "157,000" anything for the rest of my life.<br /> If you have zero interest in either of these movies, think of something else we'd both appreciate this much, and either get it into my hands or just instruct me to watch it. (For example, you could catch up on <i>The Mindy Project</i> and join me for season two!)<br /><br />23. Ask Julie Plec, "Hey, Julie, were you born a racist, or did you decide to be racist as you grew up and developed a mind of your own?"<br /> <b>AND/OR:</b> "Hey, Julie, were you born with a horrible hatred of witches, or did you decide to hate witches as you grew up and developed a mind of your own?"<br /> <b>AND/OR:</b> "Hey, Julie, what is Kevin up to these days? Other than being too fabulously brilliant to return your calls?"<br /><br />24. Whether it's through text or e-mail or voicemail or regular mail or Twitter or Facebook or Tumblr or Flickr or this very blog or plain old words that come out of your face and into my face,<br /> say something funny.<br /> Because "the perfect gift for me<br /> "is a smile as wide as a mile."<br /><br />25. Check out my Twitter (@wickedbish). Stop reading if you don't start laughing. When you do start laughing, keep reading, and encourage others to do the same. <br /> Ask yourself, "Have I mastered the art of giving no fucks as well as Ryan clearly has?" If you have, keep it up! If you haven't, take notes & make more of an effort to give less of a fuck. <br /> Because as long as something makes YOU happy, it is worth doing. Trying to make other people happy is a waste of time. Other people don't have to stay in your head every second of their miserable lives. YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND, DO. So, unless you can make them happy in a way that makes you happy, don't give them more than half a thought in the first place.<br /> <span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Insert very famous, very relevant Dr. Seuss quote here.</span><br />26. Last of all,<br />
<br />
<b>Be honest.<br /> Be kind.</b><br />
<b> Laugh as much as you can.</b><br />
<b> Be loyal.</b><br />
<b> Be generous.</b><br />
<b> Do magic, and let magic happen around you.</b><br /> <br /> On my birthday, yes, but most especially & most importantly, do this EVERY OTHER DAY OF THE YEAR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, PLEASE AND THANK YOU AND YOU'RE WELCOME.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-74521588803339843912013-09-15T13:43:00.004-07:002013-09-15T13:43:45.706-07:00Every & Each Pony I Own<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4iquE31At0Y/UjYb8UQ92KI/AAAAAAAAAyA/T7DDO0J4hvU/s1600/DSCN9353.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4iquE31At0Y/UjYb8UQ92KI/AAAAAAAAAyA/T7DDO0J4hvU/s320/DSCN9353.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-24788633774996473522013-09-08T15:32:00.002-07:002013-09-08T15:32:32.570-07:00"There is a spark that never goes out."You know, in the seven short weeks since I got the physical fuck out of Indiana, <br /><br />I, Ryan Timothy Bish, have undergone <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(and am undergoing)</span> a <strike>spiritual</strike> <strike>emotional</strike> <strike>mental</strike> <strike>magical</strike> <strike>physical</strike> transformation of mythical proportions. I rather doubt my own ability to write about it with words that will make anything resembling sense to anyone who is not me, but it's worth a hit.<br /><br />I guess I started to notice that it had started when I found out about getting accepted to art school. The idea had been making itself known in my head at least once an hour for months and months and months, so, when it was confirmed that I was, indeed, going, my <strike><span style="font-size: xx-small;">very tiny</span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">very soft</span> <span style="font-size: small;">very quiet</span> <span style="font-size: x-large;">shrieking</span></strike> internal reaction went something like this:<br /><br /> <i> Oh.<br /> Oh, my. <br /> They really want me? They're really willing to let me find my dream and then keep following it for the rest of my life? They believe that I am an artist?</i><br />
<i> Well, this is basically the greatest moment of my life.<br /> But wait, college is so expensive! And a private college is even more expensive! And I hate paperwork and emails and tax forms! And I hate being a grown-up! And I'm so good at not knowing how to take care of myself!<br /> And I'm going to be twenty-five years old the day after the day after tomorrow. So I'm obviously ALREADY a complete failure, and "complete failure" is a mark that never gets scrubbed off, no matter how many success showers you take, ever.<br /> Seriously, how am I going to pay for this? My whole life has basically sucked because we're so poor.</i><br /><br />All of which I gave myself permission to feel for approximately seven seconds, although it may have been closer to seventeen. <br /><br />But then I started to share the news with my friends, who (naturally) received it with much celebration, and consciously made an unconscious decision to take my favorite bit of fairy magic, <br /><br /> <i>"You are not consumed by the darkness because you are full of light,"</i><br /><br />and use it in a new way that was radically different than any other way I had ever used it before: Even if I doubt my ability to actually attend art school, <i>my friends</i> believe I can do it & do it well, so I believe because they believe.<br /><br />It has now been almost one full calendar year since I received the news. Figuring out how the fuck to pay for this degree is still an ongoing process (hint: quit my crappy job as a coffee slinger, found a new job that pays better and provides a set schedule and allows me to sit the fuck down), but the simple fact that I have not lost interest or given up or, well, died of depression should be somewhat of an enormously significant clue that, yes, this is my dream and, no, I am not going to let <b>anyone</b> stop me from making it happen.<br /><br />Anyway.<br /><br />That decision was what we could call the catalyst for this got-the-fuck-out-of-Indiana transformation.<br /><br />The thing is, this transformation has already had such a profound effect on me that, honestly, all I can foresee is that <i>it will just keep going</i>. As much as Now Me can barely recognize, for example, Bothered to Give Hunter Half a Chance Me, it seems that Nearly-27 Me will barely be able to recognize Now Me. (If that made sense to you, either your reading comprehension skills are off the charts, or you might have ADD. Either way, give yourself a round of applause and then go get a snack.)<br /><br />But, what if it isn't enough?<br /><br />What if<strike>, for example, on August 14th of next year,</strike> I wake up and realize that <i>Sunshine</i> (Robin McKinley's brilliant book that gave us "You are not consumed by the darkness because you are full of light," which was originally released around my 16th birthday) no longer means anything, or makes me happy in any way?<br /><br />What if <i>Shadows</i> (Robin McKinley's newest book, which will be released around my 26th birthday) totally sucks out loud? What if I look over at all my gorgeous Ponies and decide that they're stupid, so I throw them away, and the Elements of Harmony with them? What if I watch <i>Buffy</i> and can't remember why it ever inspired me? What if I watch <i>The Heat</i> for the twentieth time, and it doesn't make me laugh the fuck out loud LIKE A BITCH anymore?<br /><br />What if Cara moves to Paris and we can only manage to talk on the phone a few times a year? What if Kiki moves to London and forgets to remember to ask me to visit? What if, as I approach my twenty-seventh birthday, I am still "still" single?<br /><br />What if I do make a legitimate effort to get my shots into shows, and no one buys them?<br /><br />What if I do make a legitimate effort to get back into stand-up, and no one likes my jokes as much as I like my jokes?<br /><br />What if, in short, I no longer have any reason to try to make myself (not to mention: everyone else) laugh every hour of every day of the rest of my life?<br /><br />Well, then.<br /><br />Even if all (or even just one) of these<b> highly unlikely</b> possibilities do come to pass, <br />
<br />
if anyone bothers to ask me if I'm happy with my life, I will still be able to say,<br />
<br />
"You know, I must be doing something right for someone as motivated & driven & talented & wonderful & inspired & inspiring as Tony to call me his best friend."Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-17406670826251663952013-09-07T18:12:00.001-07:002013-09-19T02:11:05.259-07:00Laughter Shine Power!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cG7aWUq4NhA/UivOgcilC1I/AAAAAAAAAxs/lTedSKKAvyU/s1600/DSCN9147.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cG7aWUq4NhA/UivOgcilC1I/AAAAAAAAAxs/lTedSKKAvyU/s320/DSCN9147.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If you like this, please consider checking out http://www.flickr.com/photos/100733225@N04/ and/or twitter.com/wickedbish</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-11370618494065448902013-09-07T02:04:00.004-07:002013-09-07T02:04:54.544-07:00So Here's Why Weed Is So AwesomeIf you've ever read The Sandman, Neil Gaiman's magnum opus (and if you haven't, you really should), I feel pretty much exactly like Delirium<strike> or maybe even Delight, because I know too much</strike> right now.<br />
<br />
Consider the following: <br />
<br />
"It was ME that thought of it. I thought of it in my HEAD. I thought,
I MISSED you, and I thought, if we went to find you, then we'd FIND
you, and that would make everything BETTER for ever . . .<br />
<br />
So
I went and LOOKED for you and first of all Desire was at this party and
she said she wouldn't help and then Despair showed me her RATS and she
had a SAD man in a mirror but she wouldn't come WITH me and I went to
see Dream but FIRST I went home and CRIED a little bit.<br />
<br />
So
I went to see Dream and I thought HE'D say NO but he gave me little
chocolate lovers and he said OKAY. And we saw this travelling man and I
made little FROGS and this lady wanted my NAME, and I went on a
AIRPLANE.<br />
<br />
I LIKE airplanes. I like ANYwhere that isn't a proper place. I LIKE in-betweens.<br />
<br />
There
was a lady named Ruby only SHE got burned all up but that was LATER.
And there was a lawyer too but HE got all burned up too, I mean he got
SQUASHED.<br />
<br />
And the Etain lady ran away because her HOUSE
went boom and the Alder man wasn't in the world any more and I found
Tiffany and she was with the DANCING lady.<br />
<br />
And then I did DRIVING and I was really GOOD.<br />
Then we went to the dancing lady and Dream talked to her and I made this man give Tiffany ALL his dollars, then we went away.<br />
<br />
Then
Dream said he wouldn't go WITH me any more and I went HOME and CRIED a
little bit, but THEN he said he was sorry and really he WOULD come with
me again, because . . .<br />
<br />
I don't remember. SOMETHING. And that he'd be NICE to me.<br />
Friends.<br />
<br />
THEN
we went to NOWHERE and then we went to the FAIR and then we went to
Destiny's GUARDING. And then Dream went all SPOGGLY and I had to put me
all . . .<br />
I . . .<br />
<br />
I HAD to . . .<br />
I had to be . . .<br />
It HURT.<br />
<br />
And
THEN we went over there and I ate some cherries and the stones said I
was going to be a kangaROO when I grow up and then we came HERE.<br />
<br />
So it was ME.<br />
Um.<br />
That's all."<br />
<br />
Now compare that with some of the stuff I'm saying on Twitter (@wickedbish) tonight.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-56423592869088266652013-09-05T07:32:00.000-07:002013-09-05T07:42:56.225-07:00Let's Play A Fun Little Game, Just To Say We Did It<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I, Ryan Timothy Bish, being of sound mind & solid badassery, do hereby challenge myself to name fifty (50)* female Asian superheroes who have half a chance of being familiar to American audiences who are not otaku; if at all possible, I should like to see this done without any Internet searching, in other words, "off the top of my head."</i></div>
<br />
<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>READY? OKAY, GO:</b><br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Sailor Moon <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(sadly, there is something of an argument about whether or not most <strike>or all</strike> anime characters are "supposed to be" Caucasian anyway)</span></li>
<li>Sailor Mercury</li>
<li>Sailor Mars</li>
<li>Sailor Jupiter</li>
<li>Sailor Venus</li>
<li>Sailor Pluto</li>
<li>Sailor Uranus</li>
<li>Sailor Neptune</li>
<li>Sailor Saturn</li>
<li>Sailor Chibi Moon</li>
<li>Jubilee</li>
<li>Psylocke <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(and an argument could be made that she "doesn't count" since she was originally white; her twin brother is the very blond Captain Britain)</span></li>
<li>Dani Moonstar</li>
<li>Dust</li>
<li>Hisako Ichiki <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(you would think Joss Whedon, of all people, could be counted on to make more of an effort to get more people talking about this; his fondness for badass Asian females is not exactly a secret, but approximately 85% of his human characters are ALL WHITE)</span></li>
<li>Cassandra Cain <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(I am allergic to the New 52. Does she even exist anymore?)</span></li>
<li>Wasp <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(the Ultimate version of the character, who was killed after everyone stopped caring about the Ultimate Universe)</span></li>
<li> Nico Minoru <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(true story: in Brian K. Vaughan's original pitch, he was very specific about his intention for the group to have four girls and two boys to "buck tradition")</span></li>
<li>Yukio <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(is "secret lesbian lover of Storm" enough to qualify as a superhero?)</span></li>
<li>Dr. Alison Mann <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(you could easily argue that she's not exactly a superhero, but the question that I would ask you to ask yourself is something like this one: Did she, or did she not, save the human race from utter extinction?)</span></li>
<li>Katara</li>
<li>Toph Beifong</li>
<li>Princess Yue </li>
<li>Avatar Korra, the most powerful person ~on the planet~ <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(thank you, Mike; thank you, Bryan; thank you, Nickelodeon!)</span></li>
<li>Asami</li>
<li>Lin Beifong </li>
<li><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><strike>what the hell was Sage's ethnicity supposed to be</strike></span></li>
<li>Hay Lin <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(does anybody else wish W.I.T.C.H. had been more successful, or is it just me?)</span></li>
<li>Karma</li>
<li>Trini Kwan <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(who, let's be honest, happened to be the <b>Yellow</b> Ranger because Thuy Trang was Vietnamese, much like Walter Jones was the <b>Black</b> Ranger because, well, obvious reasons; for shame, Saban, shame on you, shame on your face)</span></li>
<li>Cassie Chan</li>
<li>Alyssa Enrilé</li>
<li>Madison Rocca</li>
<li>Vida Rocca</li>
<li>Mia Watanabe</li>
<li>Emma Goodall</li>
<li>Grace Choi</li>
<li>Nancy Lu <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(oh my goodness, oh my goodness - I completely forgot about her, I haven't re-read Spider-Girl in ages & ages)</span></li>
<li>Jolt</li>
<li>Katana <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(personally, I don't know anything about her other than a) her name and b) her status as a supporting character in the latest new <i>Batman</i> animated series - but seriously, her name sounds like something of a "Trini Kwan" situation, don'tcha think?)</span></li>
<li>Juniper Lee <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(why did I never watch this show?)</span></li>
<li>Thunder</li>
<li>Lightning</li>
<li>Alex Munday</li>
<li>Satsu the Vampire Slayer</li>
<li>. . .</li>
</ol>
YOU GUYS. I CAN'T DO IT. THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING. The really sad thing is, I had to look away from my own "no Internet searches" suggestion rather a long while ago.<br />
<br />
One of my best friends, Sho Tanahara (who, as you may be able to infer from her last name, hails from a small town just outside of Tokyo) asked me recently why I care so much about finding stories that feature strong female characters and/or people of color.<br />
<br />
At the time, I told her I didn't know what to tell her, as I was simply "wired that way."<br />
<br />
What I should've done was paraphrase Joss** and say,<br />
<br />
"Because people are still asking why I care so much. I intend to keep caring until people quit asking. This should not be such a big deal in the Year of Our Lord two thousand and fucking thirteen, but it absolutely still is, and I just can't stand it."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
______________<br />
*That might sound like kind of a lot, but take half a second to remind yourself just how easy it would be to name more than twice as many superheroes who are white males (for example, every title character from every entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe who is not Black Widow, just for starters).<br />
<br />
**When in doubt, paraphrase Joss Whedon. It's as uncomplicated as it is simple.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-9385601430104399742013-09-03T14:55:00.002-07:002013-09-03T14:55:23.055-07:00The Internet: Letting Dumb People Feel Unafraid To Be Themselves Since Before Hipsters Were CoolSo I gave this guy my number and said he should text me sometime<strike> because I was bored; he wasn't even that hot</strike> and his reply was this:<br />
<br />
<span class="msgReadTxt"><i> I don't want you hacking into my computer and
intercepting my mail and I don't think the operators of the site would
really like that either. So please delete all my emails and don't
contact me again or interfere with my transmissions.</i> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="msgReadTxt">All I'm saying is, if you're "still" single and you take yourself this seriously, well, <strike>I'm sorry 'bout your face, </strike>but you're probably "still" single b-e-c-a-u-s-e you take yourself this seriously.</span><br />
<span class="msgReadTxt"><br /></span>
<span class="msgReadTxt">P.S. The Black Girl Stare that I am casting in your general direction is so severe that it really ought to fill you with terror.</span><br />
<span class="msgReadTxt"> Then again, a phone number legitimately does fill you with terror, so maybe your soul interprets a Black Girl Stare as a sign that I'm super into you. In which case, your soul is fucking mistaken.</span>Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-39932118020380071102013-09-02T18:10:00.001-07:002013-09-02T18:40:22.190-07:005 Times It Might Be Actually Acceptable To Watch The Vampire Diaries, Thursdays On The CWAsk yourself the following questions:<br />
<br />
<b>1. Are you racist?</b><br />
Regardless of your own race, do you dislike black people (light-skinned or otherwise) and think they ought to be killed every week, most preferably in horribly gruesome, gruesomely horrible ways? <strike>And when they are, do you want to watch?</strike><br />
If a person of color has way more potential than any of their spectacularly stupid friends, do you think they should a) move the fuck on and find some new friends who consistently act like decent human beings or b) kill themselves?<br />
<br />
<b>2. Do you hate witches?</b><br />
Have you ever wondered why more people in your life don't talk about the fact that, obviously, the Burning Times were the best times in the history of, well, human history? When you see a woman who isn't defined by her relationships with men, do you regard her as a socio-biological freak? Do you wish she'd take her problems elsewhere<strike> as soon as she drops everything to help you with yours</strike>? Do you assume she isn't as happy as you are because you're in a relationship with a mysterious dark sexy tough forbidden murderer (who cares if he's horrible on the inside, his outside is physically flawless) and she's SO ALONE?<br />
Do you really, truly, honestly believe that having talent no one else has is wrong, immoral, or unnatural? <br />
<br />
<b>3. Do you secretly love it when heroic humans die and never come back? Do you secretly love it when vile villains never ever die and always come back just when you thought the black people in the background might make it out alive?</b><br />
Do you wonder why you have to keep this love so secret? Do you resent your friends for not feeling the same way? <br />
<br />
<b> 4. Have you ever been watching some sort of show about good vs. evil and seriously started to think that the villain should get his own show?</b><br />
Do you think this show would be worth watching because it sounds "fun" to explore "the nature of evil"?<b><br /><br /> 5. In your opinion, are love triangles the most entertaining form of entertainment in the history of fiction?</b><br />
<br />
If you answered "yes" or "b" to any one* of these questions, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST WATCH <i>THE VAMPIRE DIARIES</i> FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Boom.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
____________<br />
*If you answered "yes" or "b" to all of these questions, why do you hate yourself and why do you hate everyone else and what the fuck are you doing reading my blog, JULIE PLEC?Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-78332915503742459742013-09-02T17:08:00.004-07:002013-09-02T17:11:05.478-07:0013 TV Shows That Become Even More Fun When You Are High Enough For Reading Rainbow<b>1 <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i></b><br />
In the very last episode, Buffy shrugged off a mortal wound and got up and told the First Evil, "I want . . . you . . . to get out of my face."<br />
Which was before Xander saved the world with his mouth and the words that came out of them.<br />
Which was before the MUSICAL EPISODE.<br />
Which was before Giles killed a hell-god with his bare hand - that's not a typo, he just only needs one hand to kill a hell-god because, well, he's Giles - and didn't even tell anyone about it because Buffy had just sacrificed herself to save her sister and, oh, <i>the universe.</i><br />
Which was before Buffy & Xander & Willow & Giles told Adam, "WE CAN. WE ARE FOREVER."<br />
Which was before the second half of the two-part episode about Faith pulling a <i>Freaky Friday</i> with Buffy. (This was the very first episode I ever saw, and it was VERY CONFUSIFYING.)<br />
Which was before Buffy explained that her life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it.<br />
Which was before Willow got hit on the head with a library bookshelf AND THEN showed the very first signs of her innate magical potential<strike> to become the most powerful witch anyone anywhere had ever dreamed of</strike>, just THINK ABOUT THAT for one second.<br />
Which was before Buffy didn't let a little thing like drowning to death stop her from preventing her first apocalypse.<br />
Which was before Buffy calmly explained that "You know, stalking's not a big turn-on for girls," EDWARD.*<br />
<br />
<b>2 <i>Gilmore Girls</i></b><br />
They never stop eating, they never stop talking, and they always say stuff like this:<br />
<br />
"Maybe if we concentrate, our combined psychic powers will somehow move it closer."<br />
"I don't . . . think . . . it's working."<br />
"It's my fault, I'm not focusing."<br />
<br />
And they make enough literary references<strike> for an English major to get pregnant, unless it's a boy English major, because we all know boys don't get pregnant even when they're English majors</strike>.<br />
<br />
<b>3 <i>Avatar: The Last Airbender</i></b><br />
"I AM THE GREATEST EARTHBENDER IN THE WORLD! AND DON'T YOU TWO DUNDERHEADS EVER FORGET IT." Toph Beifong (is it Beifong or Bei Fong? Google bit me earlier) is a girl who really has the right attitude about life. We should all aspire to be more like her.<br />
Also, meat & sarcasm.<br />
<br />
<b>4 <i>The Legend of Korra</i></b><br />
WELL, DUH.<br />
As if the original series wasn't one of my top three favorite TV shows of all time (which, for obvious reasons, it is), this one gives us a story where the Avatar, the most powerful person on the planet, <br />
is a girl.<br />
'Cause Mike & Bryan just can't be bothered to give any fucks.<br />
<br />
<b>5 <i>My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic</i></b><br />
Honesty + Kindness + Laughter + Loyalty + Generosity = MAGIC<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
What else can you even say?<br />
<i> baked bads <br /> chimicherry or cherrychanga<br /> the. worst. POSSIBLE. thing<br /> I'd like to be a tree<br /> What are you, a dictionary?<br /> I bet you can't make a face like this<br /> oatmeal<br /> Spike's head weighs so much more than the rest of his body that he almost falls over backward whenever he runs, for example, at the beginning of every episode in the theme song<br /> Applejack Applejack Applejack</i><br />
<br />
Need I go the fuck on?<br />
<br />
<b>6-8 <i>The Mindy Project, Parks & Rec,</i> and <i>30 Rock</i></b><br />
The comedy in these shows is so all-over-the-place that following exactly what's going on to make you laugh so hard is pretty much, well, not exactly an endurance sport, but you will be on the edge of your seat, and you might laugh until you begin to start to develop abs (fingers crossed forever).<br />
So, if you have quality weed, ONE season of ANY of these THREE shows could easily provide nigh-unlimited entertainment for at least a month. <br />
Trust me, I speak from personal experience.<br />
<br />
<b>9 <i>Will & Grace</i></b><br />
Karen would approve.<br />
<br />
<b>10 <i>Samurai Pizza Cats</i></b><br />
If you've ever heard anything about this show, you know, deep in the deepest depths of your very soul, you know I'm right.<br />
If you've never heard anything about this show, the fact that "Samurai Pizza Cats" is literally its actual name ought to give you some sort of hint that it just might pair well with marijuana.<br />
<br />
<b>11 <i>Criminal Minds</i></b><br />
You can forget about how hot Shemar Moore is and then remind yourself, and then forget again, and then remind yourself that you reminded yourself to remember this time, before ultimately coming to the conclusion that it's impossible to gaze upon the perfection that is Mr. Moore without always being incredulous that any one such physically flawless human being is allowed to survive.<br />
All I'm saying is, during the course of one episode, you could go through the entire revelation process that I've just described so many times that, well, "the limit does not exist."<br />
<br />
Furthermore, you can easily get high enough to think you've solved the case before Reid (because you don't realize that you've actually seen the episode before, back when you were sober and the show wasn't as good as it could be).<br />
<b><br />12 <i>Mighty Morphin Power Rangers</i></b><br />
Do I even fucking need to FUCKING explain this one?<br />
I don't, but I will: When you watch it without commercials, one episode of this show lasts for twenty minutes. Maybe nineteen, maybe twenty-five. Any way you slice it, that is not an awful lot of time.<br />
And yet. When you watch it without being tied down to worry (and other no-fun things sobriety can cause humans to feel), each episode, and I can prove this with science if y'all are willing to hang out sometime, is approximately two hours long, sometimes two and a half.<br />
There WILL come a time when you ask yourself, "I know the heroes don't die in this franchise until you get to <i>Lost Galaxy</i>, but seriously, how are they going to get out of this one?" <br />
When they do, indeed, get out of this one, you'll be so damn happy.<br />
<br />
<b>13 <i>My Drunk Kitchen</i></b><br />
Technically not a TV show, but kindly shut your face and bite the fuck out of me. <br />
A fun thing to do (this is fun even when you're sober, believe it or not) is grab a friend who's never heard of it, make them sit down, refuse to explain it to them any further than "she drinks and cooks, in that order," insist that they watch it, refuse to hear that they don't feel like an Internet video right now,<br />
and then just sit back and listen to how hard they laugh. You laughed that hard, once. With weed in your life, you WILL laugh that hard again, possibly as soon as the end of this sentence.<br />
<br />
<br />
_______________<br />
*When I sat down and started writing today, I thought the <i>Buffy</i> reasons would end with, "Welp, you should start to see where I'm going with this." Obviously, a dig against <i>Twilight</i> is always a better way to end a discussion about why <i>Buffy</i> is so gosh-damn awesome.<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">P.S. Go to YouTube and search for "Buffy vs. Edward."</span>Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-36969650735487037602013-09-01T20:31:00.000-07:002013-09-01T20:31:12.943-07:0030 Times I Was So Happy I Could Cry1. "When someone dies of depression, the cause of death is listed as suicide."<br /> Okay, my first example is actually bittersweet. On the one hand, there was that time (April 24th, 2011) when I did not die of depression, and that's pretty sweet (please note: this list is called "30 Times I Was So Happy I Could Cry," and I couldn't cry if I had died; dead people can't cry or smile or do anything else because, you know, they're dead). On the different hand, there was that other time (July 2013) when I found out that the friend who originally shared this wisdom with me had died of depression. We had been permanently out of touch for a few months before that, but she was still far too awesome to die so young, and part of me is still mad at her for it.<br /> A bigger part of me is just thankful that I'm stronger than her.<br /><br />2. A few nights ago, I had a dream about being harassed by the worst person I've ever met. While it was happening, this was a very bad dream; as soon as I woke up, I looked back and realized that it was actually one of the best dreams I've ever had, because it was just a dream. In real life, he is thousands of miles away and he can never hurt me ever again.<br /><br />3. A few nights ago, I had a dream about bumping into the second-worst person I've ever met. While it was happening, this was a very good dream; as soon as I woke up, I looked back and realized that it was actually one of the worst dreams I've ever had, because it was just a dream. In real life, he is thousands of miles away and I don't actually know for a fact that he's quite as miserable as his life choices would seem to indicate.<br /><br />4. Once upon a time, on my 21st birthday, I marched up to an evil idiot and told him, "You're as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside." He yelled something angry as I marched away, which is a pretty clear sign that he cried himself to sleep that night.<br /> Almost five years later, I still don't even kind of regret this behavior. Don't fucking mess with my sister.<br /><br />5. In December of 2008, I met my best friend Adam for the very first time. <br /> Approximately eight seconds after meeting Adam for the very first time, I knew he was gay.<br /> But he never mentioned it, and I know better than anyone that coming out is something you have to do at your own pace, so I never pushed the issue.<br /> In March of 2011, he finally admitted that he was "like me."<br /> That day, we saw <i>Sucker Punch</i>, in which several characters say the line, "You already have all the weapons you need - now, fight." Adam won his own fight in his own way, and I love him for it.<br /><br />6. As anyone who knows anything about me ought to be able to tell you, my favorite book of all time is <i>Harriet the Spy</i>, which was written by Louise Fitzhugh.<br /> True story about Louise Fitzhugh: I had been re-reading the book at least once a year for ten years before I found out that she was kind of secretly well-known for being a big ol' lesbian.<br /> Another true story about Louise Fitzhugh: A few days ago, I noticed for the first time that she and I were both born in October (so was Harriet).<br /><br />7. "You are not consumed by the darkness because you are full of light." - Robin McKinley, <i>Sunshine</i><br /> I haven't actually owned this book in a, you know, legal sense for several years because I loaned it to Jason and he lost it in the mail (it was a first-edition hardcover, by the way, in excellent condition).<br /> I do intend to replace it someday, but at the same time, it's nice to have a concrete reminder that stupid boys will always be stupid, and they will ruin everything if given half a chance. I must never give any stupid boy half a chance ever again. I must learn to listen to my instincts.<br /> My instincts, believe it or not, are actually pretty good. I know this for a fact because a wise old woman told me that I am not consumed by the darkness because I am full of light.<br /><br />8. Speaking of "You are not consumed by the darkness because you are full of light," there was that time in the <i>Prisoner of Azkaban</i> movie when Harry saved himself & his friends by banishing the fuck out of all the dementors.<br /> If dementors aren't an obvious metaphor for depression, I don't know what is. Well done, J. K. Rowling. Well done.<br /><br />9. On Sunday, March 21st, 1999, our littlest sister was born. Cara and I, who were eight and eleven at the time, can still tell you everything about that night.<br /><br />10. Go back and re-read #4. I'll wait here.<br /> I have no memory of this, but the sister in question assures me that I succintly summarized his status as an evil idiot months before he showed his true colors (which must have been awkward for her at the time, as we were all living together then, but you know what they say about hindsight).<br /> Speaking of my instincts.<br />
<br />11. On October 31st, 2009, I drank way too much and threw up all over Sho Tanahara's living room (I also repeatedly asked her roommate, who was in a relationship with someone who made him very happy, if he wanted to make out with me; I don't remember this at all, but I have no difficulty believing that it happened). We didn't really know each other very well at the time, but after that she quickly became, well, my Asian Friend. <br /> The really shocking thing is that I'm still pretty good friends with her roommate Emily, who I had never met before that night.<br /><br /> HISTORIAN'S NOTE: This was more than a year before I realized that, duh, I have depression. In retrospect, well, what can you say?<br /><br />12. <i>Animorphs</i> #54, <i>The</i> <i>Beginning</i> (which is really the end, because is there ever actually such a thing as "the end" of a story?). Did Rachel have to die? Was there no other way to save the day? Well, sure, they probably still could have won the war . . . but if she hadn't sacrificed herself, countless other people would have been killed. For a warrior like Rachel, there was never any question. She summed it up nicely in book seven:<br /><br /> "My closest friends think I'm fearless. They're wrong about that. People without fear are just insane. I have plenty of fear in my life. Some days I feel afraid from the moment I wake up in the morning till my last nightmare at night.<br /> "But the thing about fear is you can't be afraid of it. I know that sounds confusing. I guess what I mean is, be afraid if you have to, right? Fear is like this vicious little worm that lives inside you and eats you alive. You have to fight it. You have to know it's there. You have to accept that you'll never get rid of it, but fight it just the same. Brave isn't about not being afraid. It's about being scared to death and still not giving in."<br /><br />13. Also from <i>Animorphs</i>, Marco (who, by the way, spends the first four books wanting nothing to do with their fight) gives us this gem in book five:<br /><br /> "I have a saying for you. I got it from a fortune cookie. 'Fall down seven times, get up eight.' You know what that means? That means you don't ever just lie there. You always get up. You always come back for more. You never surrender. Maybe you die, but you never surrender."<br /><br />14. The time I met Tony (which I actually don't remember all that well, since we didn't know it was such a big deal until after it happened). Other than "he's my BFF," I don't know how to describe our relationship, except: Our friendship makes sense because it doesn't make sense. We are perfect for each other because we're both so flawed, and that makes us powerful.<br /><br />15. When I was sixteen, Cara and I saw Relient K (there will be a bit more about them as this list draws to a close) at Universal Studios. There were a bunch of other people there, too, of course - our entire church group, dozens of other church groups, tons of people who just happened to be visiting the park on the same day as several dozen church groups, park employees, at least half a dozen other bands - but, to my way of remembering, it was just me and Cara and Relient K.<br /><br />16. Speaking of my little sister, I usually go through 30 Times I'm So Happy I Could Cry every single time I talk to her. I'm "lucky" (note my use of sarcastic quote marks; they are sarcastic because, in fact, luck has nothing to do with it) enough to have several truly wonderful people in my life, but none of them will ever know me quite as well as my sister. If I had to pick one person, out of all the people on the planet, who is my very favorite person on the planet, it would be her. <br /><br />17. Speaking of truly wonderful people in my life: <br /><br /> "The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all are my friends."<br /><br /> Honesty + Kindness + Laughter + Loyalty + Generosity = Magic.<br /><br /> I beat depression (have beaten, am beating, do beat, will beat) because all of you have shown me, in word or in deed, that I am greater than the sum of my parts. Sometimes you don't even realize it, but I do.<br /><br />18. Speaking of beating depression, I was so happy that I literally cried when I finally, finally, <b>finally</b> actually physically got the fuck out of Indiana. (Thank you, Kiki; you exemplify all six Elements of Harmony, but you especially embody Generosity so shockingly well that my jaw hurts from dropping over and over and over.) Putting my life together in Seattle is a process that's neither swift nor snappy, but you know what?<br /> I had no idea it was possible for me to be this happy.<br /><br />19. Once upon a time, in the mythical land of Hollywood, a reporter asked Joss Whedon, "Why do you write these strong female characters?"<br /> And Joss answered, "Because you keep asking that question."<br /><br />20. I don't remember who pointed this out to me for the first time, but <i>The Little Mermaid</i> - which would be my favorite Disney movie ever if <i>Beauty and the Beast</i> and <i>The Lion King</i> and <i>Aladdin</i> and <i>Mulan</i> and <i>The Parent Trap</i> and <i>The Princess Diaries</i> and <i>Lilo & Stitch</i> were all erased from existence, in some sort of horrible time travel mistake - is kind of sort of almost a perfect metaphor for growing up trans.<br /><br />21. Well. I mean. I suppose I felt a little bit happy when I got the call:<br /><br /> "Ryan, I have bad news and I have good news; the bad news is that you can't start right away, but the good news is that you've been accepted to the Art Institute of Seattle."<br /><br /> BONUS CRYING x 3: <br /><br /> They say that "a problem shared is half the problem" and "a joy shared is twice the joy" - in this case, the second half of that saying was most definitely, definitively proven to be absolute truth, since a) I texted Kiki to say that I GOT IN I GOT IN I GOT IN I GOT IN, so she called me and insisted that we go to English Ivy's for some celebratory drinks, and b) between that text and those drinks, I called Adam and Ben & Marci to tell them that, get ready, the day we had all been waiting for was finally coming: I was officially getting the fuck out of Indiana and coming to Seattle . . .<br /><br />22. . . . which reminded me of a Terry Pratchett quote: "Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle It's a feeling inside that can hardly be contained."<br /><br />23. Obviously, all six Elements of Harmony work together ("Harmony" - it's literally right there in the name), but for me, personally, Laughter has always been clearly the most powerful, since it banishes fear (and makes it look easy) before anypony figures out how the Elements do what they do.<br /> Even if you ignore all the pretty horses and the ~magic~ and everything else, "laughter is stronger than fear" is such an unbelievably awesome thing to put in the very first episode of a kids' show (especially one inspired by a toyline from the eighties); while it's impossible to choose a favorite Pony, Pinkie Pie, who holds the Element of Laughter, will always be the most important to me.<br /> So I was pretty gosh-damn happy when my ginger friend & I went to Toys R Us and each bought the other a plush version of her. I've acquired many other Pinkie Pies since then (thank you, Kristine; thank you, Adam), but the plush is my favorite Pony in my entire collection, because my ginger friend (who, by the way, has been a human Pinkie Pie since before <i>Equestria Girls</i> was anything other than a Katy Perry parody) would not have started watching the show if I hadn't been gushing about it so much when I was in therapy - refer back to the beginning of this list - where I learned a lot about how to take my fears just seriously enough, which made it a lot easier to laugh at them until they get tired of trying to scare me.<br /><br />24. I want to make it clear that I do not really truly ~believe~ in ghosts (or, you know, anything else).<br /> But my friend Vanessa has been talking to them for longer than I've been alive. Shortly after reading "Epiphany," which I wrote when I was in therapy (writing it took longer than it could have because I kept crying at how awesome I am), she had a dream about my dad, who wanted her to tell me that he was proud of me.<br /> That wasn't a time I "could" cry, that was a time I "did" cry. <br /> LIKE A BITCH.<br /><br />25. In the very last episode of the series that was named for her, Buffy the Vampire Slayer stood in front of a bunch of terrified, powerless girls and gave a speech:<br /><br /> "So here's the part where you make a choice: What if you could have that power . . . now? In every generation, one Slayer is born. Because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So, I say we change the rule. I say ~my~ power . . . should be ~our~ power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer . . . will be a slayer. Every girl who ~could~ have the power, ~will~ have the power; can stand up, will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?"<br /><br /> A few scenes later, she led those girls in a fight against the worst evil she had ever faced (which is saying something; she once smashed in a god's face with a hammer) in an epic battle, during which she told that evil,<br /><br /> "I want . . . you . . . to get out of my face."<br /><br /> No matter how many times I watch the last episode, both of these scenes will always give me chills.<br /><br />26. Speaking of, I gave myself chills when I wrote this:<br /><br /> "There's darkness inside you, little boy." <br /> "I define darkness, it does not define me. Also, what the HELL do you know about my mind?"<br /><br />27. I don't remember what I was thinking when I decided that I should buy a "real" camera, but I do remember, less than a month after making said purchase, the very first time anyone ever pointed out that a) I kind of have a knack and b) some of my shots would look ~even better~ with a little editing.<br /> <span style="font-size: xx-small;"> (Thank you, Leo.)</span><br /><br />28. "When I was hired, working for this company made me feel really good about myself. But for the last year and some months, it has only made me feel suicidal. The thing is, I like my life a lot more than my job."<br /> That's not verbatim, but the note I wrote to give two weeks' notice at Starbucks was completely fucking epic. When I finally clocked out after my last shift, all I could think was<br /> LIFE IN EQUESTRIA SHIMMERS<br /> LIFE IN EQUESTRIA SHI-INES<br /> AND I KNOW FOR ABSOLUTE CERTAIN<br /> THAT EVERYTHING IS CER-TAIN-LY FI-INE<br /><br />29. When I was three years old, my mom sat me down to watch The Wizard of Oz for the first time.<br /> The Wicked Witch of the West is widely regarded as one of the most horribly purely evil characters in the history of film; the Queen from Snow White gave me nightmares, and I had to leave the room during Ursula's death scene, but the Wicked Witch had something, some sort of <strike>stage</strike> screen presence, that made me love her right away. Why shouldn't she have her dead sister's shoes? Why did Glinda send Dorothy to the Wizard so he could order her to kill the Witch? Why does no one notice that Glinda is clearly the real villain?<br /> Obviously, I couldn't articulate these observations at the time, but the Wicked Witch of the West struck a chord with me right the fuck away, and I have been obsessed with witches ever since.<br /> Which is wonderfully wickedly ironic (fairies love irony), because my mom. Well. She's as stubborn as her name implies. And I love her for it<strike> even though her opinion is wrong</strike>.<br /><br />30. Once upon a time in 2004, in the magical land of LiveJournal, I met Kiki. <br /> We instantly bonded when she learned of my love for Relient K. <br /> She saw something in me that I couldn't see until recently; something real, and something powerful. I already have two younger sisters, so I never wanted an older one as well. But wanting and needing are two wildly different things, aren't they? <br /> A great majority of the moments on this list never would have had a chance to happen if I hadn't met her when I did, because I would've died of depression before anyone realized it was a thing that made me struggle.<br /> Today is Kiki's 30th birthday, and I am so very very happy about that. She's already a badass human being, but her thirties are going to change her, and everyone she knows, in ways none of us can hope to imagine just yet.<br /> Happy birthday, brown-eyed girl. <br /> I love you more than words can say.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-15215808851099276282013-09-01T14:05:00.003-07:002013-09-01T14:05:50.363-07:00Adulthood Rocks My Socks, Let Me Tell You Why<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CMzahsKAcE8/UiOrTuJoCiI/AAAAAAAAAxc/murgjAVGT3M/s1600/blueberry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CMzahsKAcE8/UiOrTuJoCiI/AAAAAAAAAxc/murgjAVGT3M/s1600/blueberry.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo found on Google Images, even though Google hates me today</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Blueberry. Cheesecake. Ice cream.<br />
<br />
I could have absolutely eaten this for breakfast today, and no one would have told me otherwise<strike>, which might have happened if I hadn't forgotten that such a thing exists or that it's currently just chilling, or rather, freezing, in the freezer right over there</strike>.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-71510337590524342902013-09-01T13:52:00.001-07:002013-09-01T13:52:15.408-07:00OkStupid is Getting Entirely the Fuck Out of Control"OkStupid," for those of you who don't know (and how could you know? I haven't even told you yet) (but you know what, people who think they're smarter than me still say this sort of thing all the time), is what I've decided to call OkCupid whenever it annoys me, WHICH IT IS <b>WONT</b> TO DO this foolishness they keep trying to present as fun facts. <br />
<br />
So I logged in earlier this morning (this was before scrambling the fuck out of some eggs, which was a good time from start to finish, obviously) and found a message from some dude* I've never noticed before: <br />
<br />
<i>I don't even have a profile on here so I'm not really expecting much
back from this. That said I am a way in the closet Bi dude who hooked up
with an old friend a couple times and really wants to find a friend
with benefits. I'm a 26 year old oil painter/DJ I'm a fit vegetarian. I
have a straight profile on here I could direct you to.</i><br />
<br />
Well, alright** then! Let's just break this down, shall we?<br />
<br />
I suppose it'll have to be a sentence-by-sentence sort of analysis.***<br />
<br />
<i> I don't even have a profile on here so I'm not really expecting much
back from this.</i><br />
<br />
Boy vey ("boy" + "oy vey" = "boy vey") (did I need to explain that one, or does it just sort of present itself and then make sense?), I already love this!<br />
<i> </i><br />
First off, although your profile did turn out to be empty, I think maybe what you were really trying to tell me was, "I don't even have a picture on here," which is obviously what Liz Lemon (and, because of Liz Lemon, Ryan Bish) would call a DEAL BREAKER (alternate spelling: DEAL-BREAKER).<br />
<br />
And, as we can infer from the second half of this sentence, you realize that it's a deal breaker. You know, okay? You fucking know, and you fucking know I fucking know you know I- sorry, I always get confused when other people make these jokes; thought I might try it for myself, and what do you know, I really should avoid concepts that confuse me UNLESS they sound like they'd be fun to learn. You know, the fact that I got distracted in the middle of my own pseudo-rant about why We Are Never Ever Ever Ever Gonna Get Together is not exactly what you might interpret as a great sign.<br />
<br />
But do you let the fact that you know your deal breaker is a deal breaker, you know, stop you? Which would be the wisest course of action at this point - look how I said "which would be," not "which would have been," as if you hadn't already made the choice you made - because, come ON, if I wanted to chat with "Bi" (more about that in a minute, or more like thirty) guys without knowing what their faces look like, I would either go back to before the Internet was a thing <b>(oh, Internet, we love you)</b> and respond to personal ads in the back of m4m skin mags or hang out at gloryholes, anywhere, anytime, ever.<br />
<br />
Anyway. Let's move on.<br />
<br />
<i> That said I am a way in the closet Bi dude who hooked up
with an old friend a couple times and really wants to find a friend
with benefits.</i><br />
<br />
Cool kids use commas and hyphens whenever AND WHEREVER the sentence calls for commas and hyphens. Also; semicolons; but I don't wanna blow your mind too terribly truly awfully much.<br />
<i> </i><br />
The only things that should be kept in the closet are<br />
<br />
a) clothes,<br />
<br />
b) shoes,<br />
<br />
c) belts,<br />
<br />
d) ties,<br />
<br />
e) hangers for a through d,<br />
<br />
f) maybe a hamper, if your closet is gigantic,<br />
<br />
g) heavy boxes full of back issues of comic books you can't bear to throw away even though you don't read them much anymore,<br />
<br />
h) another heavy box full of your entire collection of <i>Animorphs</i>, for which I must confess a healthy dose of jealousy,<br />
<br />
i) extra Ponies,<br />
<br />
j) dead bodies, and<br />
<br />
k) anything else in your house that is not you.<br />
<br />
I mean, I know better than anyone that coming out is tricky and everyone who does it must do it at their own pace in their own time in their own way, and I understand that some people have perfectly valid reasons for not wanting to come out any time soon or ever, but<br />
<br />
WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO BECOME THE OLD FRIEND YOU HOOKED UP WITH A FEW TIMES while keeping me a total secret no matter how much you wanted it and/or needed it once I got naked?<br />
<br />
No, I'm serious.<br />
<br />
I'm pretty fucking awesome, you know, so why would I want to put myself through that, ever?<br />
<br />
Oh, right, because you're just so hot.<br />
<br />
You know a good way to prove that you're hot (which is also a good way to find friends, with or without benefits)?<br />
<br />
LET A BITCH SEE WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOK LIKE.<br />
<br />
In conclusion, duh (I would normally say, "In conclusion, bless your heart," but I did not grow up in the South feeling afraid to be who I have known I was since I had a crush on Prince Philip from <i>Sleeping Beauty</i> so I could eventually get the fuck out of the South and waste <strike>their</strike> our precious colloquialisms on the likes of you).<br />
<br />
OH. AND ALSO. Unless it's the first word of the sentence, "Bi" does not need to be capitalized. Ever. Which you would know if you had made it through third grade without failing to retain anything.<br />
<br />
YEAH, I SAID IT. I may have made it through third grade without failing to retain any math, but you know what I don't try to do when I'm on the Internet?<br />
<br />
Go to math websites and expect them to take me seriously when I talk about math.<br />
<br />
So I guess what I'm saying is, one of us is a champion and one of us is a wannabe.<br />
<br />
I'll let you figure out who's who. If you get confusified (it happens to the best of us, of which you are not one), take a minute and observe the serious Black Girl Stare I'm throwing in your general direction right now.<br />
<br />
<i> I'm a 26 year old oil painter/DJ I'm a fit vegetarian.</i><br />
<br />
Okay, if we can pretend for one second that your lack of a picture was not a deal-breaker (which we can't, because it fucking was), you really should have opened with this! Oil painter/DJ? Do you do fling colors at the canvas like the canvas is your bitch when you're not dropping beats? Do you paint people's portraits (YAY FOR ALLITERATION) while they make their song requests, in which case you would need to have superspeed, since, duh, how long does it take you say, "HEY MISTER DEEJAY WILL YOU PLEASE PLAY PAPARAZZI"?<br />
<br />
So many questions!<br />
<br />
But, for reasons best kept to yourself (as if you had any) (for anything, ever), you decided to save this until after I had judged you and found you lacking for reasons (I keep using that word) which I explained in explicit detail as they were happening.<br />
<br />
If all you wanna do is get your brains fucked out, why do I need to know that you're a vegetarian? Am I supposed to bring you a meatless lasagna when I come over to fuck your brains out? Am I supposed to carry that fucking heavy pasta tray dish thing with me when I circle the block a few times because your girlfriend hasn't left yet? Most importantly, why on Earth (or any of the other planets, you know, the ones named after Usagi and all her little friends) would I ever even entertain the thought of wasting a meatless lasagna on a self-hating self-hater such as yourself? MEATLESS LASAGNA IS AWESOME AND BRINGS JOY TO THE WORLD, SPECIFICALLY THE PART OF THE WORLD THAT IS OCCUPIED BY MY MOUTH WHEN THERE IS MEATLESS LASAGNA IN MY MOUTH OR NEARBY, so the fact that you're a vegetarian is what we could call a useless fact.<br />
<br />
But we won't do that either, because I don't want to waste an Animaniacs reference on you either, not even unintentionally.<br />
<br />
<i> I
have a straight profile on here I could direct you to.</i> <br />
<br />
Unless they're on ~really~ ~good~ gay-for-pay sites, straight guys (usually) don't even kind of interest me. And even then, how much time to I have to be wasting on pornography? NOT ENOUGH. (Do I mean that as in, "pornography isn't important enough to waste any time for" or "I don't have enough free time to waste on pornography"? It could really be taken either damn way, couldn't it? Yes, yes it sure could.)<br />
<br />
Cool kids don't end sentences with prepositions. Or rather, <strike>they</strike> we try to avoid it. Sure, it's difficult sometimes (I hinted about thinking about doing it at least once in the previous paragraph; you'll only ask me for a hint IF YOU'RE WEAK), but my point is that we're heroes (what's cooler than a hero? NOTHING, that's what, and most of my favorite heroes start being heroes when they're kids) because we try.<br />
<br />
You, on the other hand, don't even know that you failed. <br />
___________<br />
<br />
Well, there you have it. I'm not entirely sure where most of that came from, and I didn't expect it to be so long <i>(dirty)</i>, but I'm pretty happy with it <i>(dirtier)</i>.<br />
<br />
Now that it's done, I honestly can't decide if I should<br />
<br />
a) actually send it to him,<br />
<br />
b) post it to craigslist in a random city,<br />
<br />
c) hold on to it until I have generated enough similar essay-article-blog-list-things to assemble a book called <i>How To Do Anything You Want To Do Unless What You Want To Do Is Impress The Fuck Out Of Me</i>,<br />
<br />
d) publicly display it on my OkStupid profile (what's he gonna do, get all butthurt about how everyone knows no one with a dick knows what he looks like? UNLIKELY) (but if that did happen, the "Hide" button is there because sometimes you need to actually click it),<br />
<br />
or<br />
<br />
e) do all of the above<br />
<br />
after<br />
<br />
f) braiding the fuck out of Pinkie Pie's mane.<br />
<br />
Don't worry, I'll figure it out.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
___________<br />
*The fact that I'm calling him "dude" is faint foreshadowing of how this is about to go down; unless it's "Dude, I love you, but I'm way too high to follow this conversation right now, so how 'bout skipping to the end, mate?" I basically never use "dude" as a term of, you know, endearment. <br />
<br />
**"Alwrong" should be a word to describe times like these times.<br />
<br />
***What is an "s" word that means "analysis"? If Google was speaking to me right now, I'd just look it the fuck up.Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-5518223978445230112013-09-01T03:54:00.001-07:002013-09-01T03:56:15.156-07:00Element of Honesty<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
Don't try to make other people happy.
They don't have to be around you every minute of their miserable lives.<br />
— Ryan Bish (@wickedbish) <a href="https://twitter.com/wickedbish/statuses/374043828392439808">September 1, 2013</a></blockquote>
<br />
<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465860199563989805.post-41681735779945340032013-08-31T07:56:00.002-07:002013-08-31T12:40:40.923-07:00Animorphs: 31 Reasons I Will Always, Always, Always Love It1. Cassie & Rachel are two of the greatest Girls Who Kick Ass in the history of fiction, and they both exemplify the trope in completely different ways:<br />
<br />
- Rachel (who, if she hadn't been born in the wrong universe, would've made an excellent Slayer) becomes a soldier in the war against the Yeerks and, not to put too fine a point on it, finds her purpose in life. She has such an extraordinary knack for fighting, and such a pronounced affinity for violence, that her friends worry about her and her enemies attempt to recruit her. At one point, Jake - who has known her longer than any of the others because they're cousins - tells her that he cannot imagine her making it through the war and settling down to have any sort of normal life. Ever. <br />
Also, there was that one time when she was in grizzly morph and her paw got sliced off, so she picked it up and used it to bludgeon her enemies to death.<br />
<br />
- And then, on a completely different hand, there's Cassie. She's not nearly as much of a traditional "action girl" - although, when you're in a WAR against parasitic mind-controlling evil ALIENS and you have the ability to turn into a WOLF, obviously you are going to become a completely capable combatant whether you want to or not - because she is quite possibly the nicest person on the planet who is not actually Mother Teresa. If Rachel is the strong one and Marco is the funny one, etc., Cassie is very much "the sensitive one"; she usually prefers to be around animals, but she gets people. She understands them. Inside and out. Instantly.<br />
Which eventually leads to her becoming a manipulative bastard who can do what needs to be done to protect her friends. Who figures out every little part of the plan to get rid of David without actually killing him (although you could argue that her solution is far worse than murder)? Cassie. Who figures out how to stop Visser Four (by doing something that is absolutely far, far worse than murder)? Cassie. <br />
Also, book twenty-nine, The Sickness. After completing the mission all by herself, she comes home and performs brain surgery on Ax. Who is an alien. GIRL GETS SHIT DONE.<br />
(And I'm not even going to talk about Back to Before.)<br />
<br />
2. SEAGULLS.<br />
<br />
3. Pretty much everything Ax has ever said about anything. For example:<br />
"Evidently I am insane. May I go now?"<br />
"Is it not time for cookies?"<br />
"Yellow is the color of warning. I do not know why."<br />
"Please make every effort not to drop me!"<br />
"Cinnamon buns. Zuh. Bun-zuh."<br />
<br />
4. If there's one thing to be learned from these books, it's that war is hell. Even though the series is supposedly intended for seven- to twelve-year-olds, the writers do not pull any punches while getting this point across. <br />
I especially appreciate the scene where the kids are having a wacky time travel adventure and find themselves stuck in a slightly different version of World War II; Ax, who is an alien, assumes that the Jews were an opposing army. <br />
<br />
5. The plot twists! If you can read book one and guess any of the things that are revealed in The Andalite Chronicles - or read book five and guess any of the things that are revealed in Visser, etc. - YOU ARE A WITCH.<br />
<br />
6. In the second Megamorphs book, the kids find out that broccoli is not native to Earth.<br />
<br />
7. All six Animorphs frequently remind the readers that flying is absolutely the coolest thing ever; even Tobias, who you'd think might get used to it since he's a bird all the time, gets way excited about thermals.<br />
<br />
8. The David trilogy: Never have I ever been so afraid that someone might actually kill any of the Animorphs. Yeah, Visser Three had all sorts of terrifying alien morphs that could eat lions and tigers and bears in one gulp, but he didn't know their secrets.<br />
<br />
9. Well, duh: The Animorphs! Jake, Cassie, Marco, Ax, Tobias, and Rachel are some of my very favorite fictional characters in the history of, well, fiction. Other fans enjoy a good lengthy debate about why they're fond of this character or that one and don't care very much for this one or these two; intellectually, I can see where they're coming from, but emotionally, I just can't do it. Choosing a favorite Animorph would be like choosing a favorite Pony. They all have their own strengths and their own flaws, and I thoroughly love each and every one of them.<br />
<br />
10. Hey, kids! Wanna get your mom's approval to listen to NIN? It's easy! Just tell her that their initials stand for . . . Nice Is Neat!<br />
<br />
11. In the very first book, Jake (who is white) (and Jewish) tells the reader that he's had a crush on Cassie (who is black) for a long time. Over the course of the series, the two of them kind-of-sort-of-pretty-much fall in love. You can count on one hand the number of times that anyone ever made any sort of big deal about the fact that they were an interracial couple, and that number is . . . zero.<br />
<br />
12. Speaking of racial tension! There's a thoroughly excellent scene in Elfangor's Secret (one of their wackiest wacky time travel adventures ever) where the kids are trying to get information about what year it is, why Einstein hasn't happened, etc., from a guy who doesn't want to help them because Cassie is (gasp) colored.<br />
So she very kindly tells him that, naturally, she'd be more than happy to turn white, if that'll make him more comfortable.<br />
And then she morphs a polar bear.<br />
He quickly tells them everything they need to know after that.<br />
<br />
13. Almost everything about book seventeen, The Underground. To this day, it still makes me laugh my ass off an average of once every other page: Lucy Lawless, Happy Meals with extra happy, instant maple and ginger oatmeal, the nuthouse, etc.<br />
<br />
14. When Katherine & Michael were planning the series, they decided that, if they were going to write about kids who could turn into animals, they would have to come up with "worthy" villains. THEY DID. Even though I fully understood that the books were absolutely fiction, the Yeerks and the Taxxons both gave me nightmares on multiple occasions.<br />
<br />
15. The Ellimist Chronicles, which, without saying who, made it clear that one of the Animorphs was going to die. (You might think that being warned about the death would make it somewhat less emotional for the reader. It doesn't. The character's last line is, "I wondered if ---".)<br />
<br />
16. "Do you just HATE TRASH CANS?"<br />
<br />
17. Personally, I've always thought that shapeshifting must be one of the coolest, most badass superpowers ever. This series is probably one of the strongest examples to support that theory. <br />
<br />
18. "People say I'm pretty, and I guess I'm okay. People say I'm self-confident, and I know that's true."<br />
<br />
19. All six Animorphs have different reasons for fighting the Yeerks: Ax has grown up hating them because he's an Andalite, Rachel is an action junkie, Tobias just knows it's the right thing to do, Cassie really cares about the planet, Jake wants to save his brother, and Marco . . . well, Marco's reason is something of a shock.<br />
<br />
20. "You see our might and tremble!"<br />
"I see your might. Where's your tremble?"<br />
<br />
21. Jake and Marco's arguments, re: Batman vs. Spider-Man.<br />
<br />
22. It's not exactly a huge recurring theme, but Marco is a Buffy fan.<br />
<br />
23. Rachel's allergy to the crocodile morph. Is it the most original idea in the history of ideas? Maybe not, but it's still just freaking cool.<br />
<br />
24. Obviously, it's completely ridiculous to expect six kids to fight off an alien invasion and ever have any hope of, you know, winning. The characters fully realize this, and discuss it all the time; Marco in particular seems to whine about the injustice of it all at least once every other book.<br />
<br />
25. In book twenty-eight (which, being narrated by Ax, is one of the most hilarious books in the series), the Yeerks concoct a serum to take away free will and make it that much easier to turn humans into Controllers. Everyone else freaks out about this, but Cassie scoffs, insisting that it's flat-out impossible to get rid of free will. <br />
She's right.<br />
<br />
26. "I have a saying for you. I got it from a fortune cookie. 'Fall down seven times, get up eight.' You know what that means? That means you don't ever just lie there. You always get up. You always come back for more. You never surrender. Maybe you die, but you never surrender."<br />
<br />
27. Pretty much any book narrated by Marco, really. KAA has said that he's her favorite character to write for, and it shows. Not that books narrated by Jake, Cassie, Ax, Tobias, or Rachel are any less good, but she clearly had fun every time she gave him a line.<br />
Also, I just love his entire arc. Even when it's heartbreaking. Especially when it's heartbreaking.<br />
<br />
28. "Live free or die!"<br />
<br />
29. The fourth Megamorphs book, Back to Before. I can't even talk about it (MAJOR SPOILERS - not that spoilers are a huge deal for an out-of-print, hard-to-find book that was released more than a decade ago), but it looks at what would've happened if Jake, Cassie, Marco, Tobias, and Rachel had never walked home through the abandoned construction site, never met Elfangor, and never received the morphing power. It's basically a fanboy's wet dream.<br />
Particularly this one scene where the Drode points out that, by making sure the Animorphs included a great leader like Jake, Elfangor's little brother, Elfangor's son, the son of Visser One's host body, and Cassie (SPOILER), the Ellimist cheated and gave the good guys a few unfair advantages. Rachel is implied to be a happy accident.<br />
(Well, not that much of an accident, as she is Jake's cousin and Cassie's best friend, but.)<br />
<br />
30. "My closest friends think I'm fearless. They're wrong about that. People without fear are just insane. I have plenty of fear in my life. Some days I feel afraid from the moment I wake up in the morning till my last nightmare at night.<br />
"But the thing about fear is you can't be afraid of it. I know that sounds confusing. I guess what I mean is, be afraid if you have to, right? Fear is like this vicious little worm that lives inside you and eats you alive. You have to fight it. You have to know it's there. You have to accept that you'll never get rid of it, but fight it just the same. Brave isn't about not being afraid. It's about being scared to death and still not giving in."<br />
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31. "But mostly, I remembered what I've always believed. What my mom taught me. That while some things are just plain awful, most things in life can be seen either as tragic or comic. And it's your choice. Is life a big, long, tiresome slog from sadness to regret to guilt to resentment to self-pity? Or is life weird, outrageous, bizarre, ironic, and just stupid?<br />
"Gotta go with stupid."Ryanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14789876345815032919noreply@blogger.com0