Wednesday, July 13, 2011

"Life is Too Short to Ever Be Anything But Happy"

Here's how it is, bucko.

a) Depression is a sickness -- or, if you want to get all technical, a behavioral disorder -- that affects nearly 10% of adults in the U.S. alone. (I'm no good with numbers, but that is more than a few people.) None of us can deal with it by ourselves. Many of us have a great deal of trouble dealing with it even when we are able to find the best help available. Several of us have no idea it's affecting us.*

b) Yes, okay. My own personal Depression took over from about mid-February until sometime in early May. There are quite a few bright spots that stick out (and at least one spot that's not bright at all**), but for the most part, that time is little more than a blurry haze. Or a hazy blur, if you prefer. I said things I didn't mean, and I did things I normally wouldn't even have imagined. It sucks that I was robbed of so much of my spring, but I'm not dwelling on it. Because I'm better now. I am not, and never will be, "cured" -- but I have turned my own personal Depression into a demon and taught myself how to fight him. I can't ever permanently kill him, since he doesn't have a physical body, but I can punch him through a wall (and then drop an anvil on his face, and then set him on fire . . .) every single time he starts whispering in my general direction. That may sound tiring, but trust me, it's exhilarating. For the first time since my dad was alive, I truly feel like I'm as awesome as I was always supposed to be. Every day is better than the one before because I make it that way. I have forgiven myself for letting him take over and made up my mind to leave that in the past, and I have chosen to be happy -- nay, to be FUCKING ECSTATIC -- in the present, and I shall continue to be FUCKING ECSTATIC (and also to make at least one other person fucking ecstatic) every day for the rest of my life (even when it's not exactly easy). I am finally as awesome as you thought I was on the day we met, and it feels better than anything. I am never going to let it go.

c) With a) in mind, could you please not hold the first bit of b) against me?

d) Even if you do continue to hold it against me, I'll forgive you. I have too many awesome things going on right now, and many more planned for the future. You'll see what I mean if your eyes are open. 

*This absolutely breaks my heart, but I need to get a bit more sleep and do a lot more research before I write about it at length.

**Don't worry, I won. Obviously.

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