Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Life is Awesome: Two Weeks of Journaling

Tuesday, July 5th
Life is awesome because I did one hundred situps today. And then, since it felt so good, I did another fifty (because why not?).
    Before dawn, by the way.

Life is awesome because Mignon and I are about to start an ongoing game of Find the Pony. Shockingly enough, the whole thing was her suggestion.

Life is awesome because I love myself.

Life is awesome because this chai is fantastic.

Life is awesome because a total stranger found me on Facebook (through Aunt Mary Lou, but hey) and sent me a message to say that she knew Mom and Dad when they lived in South Carolina and tell me that I look almost exactly like him (and her, to a lesser extent) and have clearly inherited his love of life.
    I don't even know why that made me so happy (this is the first, and often the only, thing that people who knew him have to say when they meet me, literally every single time; Cara, on the other hand, gets a lot of "Well, aren't you just your mother!"), but I'mma just go with it.

Life is awesome because I'm tired and hungry all the time. Which is such a wonderful change from when Depression was at his most crafty, so I could never ever sleep and my appetite was on a permanent vacation.

Life is awesome because some people are just boring and that's all there is to it.
    The awesome part? Ryan Timothy Bish is not one of those people.

Life is awesome because the future just jumped a little bit closer. Which only happened because I have the best friends ever. Really, that could take up this whole book: "Life is awesome because I have the best friends ever, life is awesome because I have the best friends ever, life is awesome because I have the best friends ever," over and over and over, until I run out of paper.
    HAHAHAHA. That sounds like something Pinkie Pie might say. Except, you know, she would use cutesier words. And make up a song. Because she's Pinkie Pie and she can't help herself.

Life is awesome because I successfully fought off the first panic attack that's tried to strike since I went to therapy. I can do that now because I've learned things and I'm stronger than ever. Pretty cool, huh?

Wednesday, July 6th
Life is awesome because I can't seem to do enough situps or pushups lately. Not only do they feel great physically (in a "hurts so good" sort of way), but they also do wonders for my mental well-being, since DEPRESSION THINKS I'M FAT. He is, obviously, wrong.
   And a fuckface.

Life is awesome because Vanessa sent me a message while I was on my way to work. She had a dream about Dad last night. Seems he's very proud of me.
    (It's been a few hours less than a week, and that whole "Depression is a jerk; here's how to kick his ass" piece has already been so great for me, and affected so many more people than I ever thought would even give a shit. Just imagine what it could do if, for example, I had a blog with a decent readership. No, really: THINK ABOUT THAT. Think very carefully. And do some research.)

Life is awesome because I am great at my job.
    Not bragging, just the truth.

Life is awesome because caffeine is tasty.

"Life is awesome because caffeine is tasty"? Hahahahaha. Life is awesome because I AM HILARIOUS. (With or without, you know, trying.)

Life is awesome because my dad is proud of me. Whether or not you believe that Vanessa can talk to spirits, I know he is.

Life is awesome because I am going through an emotional growth spurt. Or something. Which is a bit crazy when you break it down, because I already feel unstoppable . . . so how much power will I have when it's over? "A lot" doesn't seem to cover it.

Life is awesome because I can see the future and it is very, very, very pretty; it could very, very, very easily not happen, but I'm taking steps to make sure it does, and my friends are helping (sometimes without even knowing), and I have such a great feeling about everything that it's a wonder I still remember how to walk.
    Did that make sense?

Thursday, July 7th
Life is awesome because Sarah is going to hang out with me sometime in the next two weeks even if I have to knock her out and drag her around. Kristine has expressed her willingness to help me out with this.

Life is awesome because IT WASN'T MY FAULT. Also, I am getting much better at not blaming myself for everything. It feels nice.

Life is awesome because I actually (eventually) wanted to get out of bed today. A normal person might not think twice about something so simple, but I really had to work at it (last night sort of sucked). Depression is not normal.
    Yeah, I just said that. Is it way more common than we realize? Absolutely. But is it even a little bit normal? FUCK NO. It's not normal, and it's not healthy. It must be stopped. Preferably with (imaginary) violence.

Life is awesome because my gaydar is always right.

Life is awesome because it's summer.

Life is awesome because we talked.

Friday, July 8th
Life is awesome because Adam and I played putt putt golf today. I'd like to tell you who won, but we didn't have a scorecard.
   [NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: This is, technically, totally and completely true.]

Saturday, July 9th: I didn't write down any reasons on this day . . . but I DID start this here "Depression sucks, so KICK HIS ASS INTO THE GROUND AND THEN SET HIM ON FIRE" blog, sooo that's fairly awesome, yes?

Sunday, July 10th
Life is awesome because, as of yesterday, I've officially been sober for two months. I am "allowed" to start drinking again (Thursday was a really great day), but I'm gonna put it off for a while longer.

Life is awesome because I have quite a good feeling about my new apartment. Which is not mine yet, obviously, but you know what I mean.
    Actually . . .

Life is awesome because there's nothing going on right now that I don't have a good feeling about.
    Yep, I just ended a sentence with a preposition. Apologies to Yorick Brown.

Life is awesome because MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC is badass.
    For example, how 'bout that time Fluttershy stared down a cockatrice and shrugged off the whole "being turned to stone right now" thing?

Life is awesome because I have an idea or two about what's going to happen, but I'm still totally open to some surprises.

Monday, July 11th
Life is awesome because Bre brought me a cheeseburger (which she also bought) for lunch. Which I don't even feel bad about eating, since I've been doing so many situps lately that there is flat-out no goddamn way I'm fat (despite what Depression might try to tell you -- he's such a jerk).

Life is awesome because my face is (finally) visible again.

Life is awesome because I've had "Giggle at the Ghosties" and "Winter Wrap Up" stuck in my head all day.

Life is awesome because I saw Heather today. Seems she's hearing good things about me. Also, I made her try some Iced Via with vanilla bean. She loved it.

Life is awesome because I'm not afraid of anything or anyone anymore.

Life is awesome because I haven't had Taco Bell in at least two weeks.

Life is awesome because, seriously, work has been so much fun lately.

Life is awesome because my next day off is Harry Potter Day!

Life is awesome because, right around the time I move into my new apartment, I'm gonna treat myself to some new combat boots.

Life is awesome because I'm making a difference. Or, you know, trying my hardest.

Life is awesome because I have stopped blaming myself for everything.

Life is awesome because I am already planning what to do when Depression tries to strike this winter.
    Let's face it: He'll be back. (Pssst! When he returns, he'll be in for a world of hurt. The least violent thing I'll do is ward him off with Ponies.)

Life is awesome because The Lion King is coming back to theaters in September!

Tuesday, July 12th
Life is awesome because Theresa called me out of nowhere and we went to Tijuana Flats.

Life is awesome because an LW snippet fell into my head as I was walking to work today!

Life is awesome because it's 6:53 pm and I can barely keep my eyes open.


Wednesday, July 13th
Life is awesome because Theresa and I have plans to finally go get French food as soon as my shift ends. Let's hope she doesn't cancel on me! Oh snap, did I just jinx it?
   [NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: No, I did not jinx it.]

Life is awesome because, in about twenty-six hours, I'll be going home to take a nap so I can stay awake for Harry Potter. Which I'll be seeing with one of my best friends in the entire damn world and one of his oldest friends.

Life is awesome because April Miles showed up just as I was going outside for my lunch. We're gonna chat as soon as she gets her drink.

Life is awesome because I am fucking unstoppable.

Thursday, July 14th: I didn't write down any reasons on this day because I was too excited to sit still because I was so looking forward to seeing Harry Potter at midnight. Adam is my hero.

Friday, July 15th
Life is awesome because my blog, which I only started last Saturday, has already received 131 pageviews! Including 3 from the UK, 2 from France, and 2 from Germany! PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW ME ARE ACTUALLY READING IT!

Life is awesome because I found Boysenberry Pie, my very first Pony ever, on eBay. In FANTASTIC condition! There are eight days left in the auction, but I am currently the only bidder.

Saturday, July 16th
Life is awesome because Jesse and I went to Chipotle. With Candra.

Life is awesome because I can't wait until next Sunday. Which is the 24th. Which is a date that I deserve so hard.

Sunday, July 17th
Life is awesome because I bought Twilight Sparkle today. Only four more to go until I have the entire Mane Six!

Life is awesome because I ate an avocado for lunch.

Life is awesome because I am so tired that it sort of hurts. Which means I am going to sleep like a rock tonight (you know, if rocks slept . . . which, um, they don't). Depression is a snivelly little BITCH.

Monday, July 18th: I love y'all very very much (seriously, it's more than just a little bit), but today's one reason was too personal to share.

Tuesday, July 19th
Life is awesome because my store manager is planning to brag about me to our district manager. Or maybe she already has. Their meetings always take so long.

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