Monday, September 2, 2013

5 Times It Might Be Actually Acceptable To Watch The Vampire Diaries, Thursdays On The CW

Ask yourself the following questions:

    1. Are you racist?
        Regardless of your own race, do you dislike black people (light-skinned or otherwise) and think they ought to be killed every week, most preferably in horribly gruesome, gruesomely horrible ways? And when they are, do you want to watch?
        If a person of color has way more potential than any of their spectacularly stupid friends, do you think they should a) move the fuck on and find some new friends who consistently act like decent human beings or b) kill themselves?

    2. Do you hate witches?
        Have you ever wondered why more people in your life don't talk about the fact that, obviously, the Burning Times were the best times in the history of, well, human history? When you see a woman who isn't defined by her relationships with men, do you regard her as a socio-biological freak? Do you wish she'd take her problems elsewhere as soon as she drops everything to help you with yours? Do you assume she isn't as happy as you are because you're in a relationship with a mysterious dark sexy tough forbidden murderer (who cares if he's horrible on the inside, his outside is physically flawless) and she's SO ALONE?
        Do you really, truly, honestly believe that having talent no one else has is wrong, immoral, or unnatural?
    3. Do  you secretly love it when heroic humans die and never come back? Do you secretly love it when vile villains never ever die and always come back just when you thought the black people in the background might make it out alive?
        Do you wonder why you have to keep this love so secret? Do you resent your friends for not feeling the same way?

    4. Have you ever been watching some sort of show about good vs. evil and seriously started to think that the villain should get his own show?
        Do you think this show would be worth watching because it sounds "fun" to explore "the nature of evil"?

    5. In your opinion, are love triangles the most entertaining form of entertainment in the history of fiction?

If you answered "yes" or "b" to any one* of these questions, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST WATCH THE VAMPIRE DIARIES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Boom.

*If you answered "yes" or "b" to all of these questions, why do you hate yourself and why do you hate everyone else and what the fuck are you doing reading my blog, JULIE PLEC?

No comments:

Post a Comment